Losing a Best Friend

Today I said my final farewell to one of the best friends that I have ever been priviledged to know.
Muiryett's Power Game (Kai) first entered my life nealy fourteen years ago as a little bouncy bundle of husky fur. I did not choose him, but he chose me. From two litters of puppies all looking for new homes, Kai was the one that followed me every where from the moment that we first met. He waited for me outside the toilet, whilst all the other puppies were scrabbling over the bonio biscuits that they had found. I scooped him into my arms and cuddled him close to me. Our lives from that point forth would be intertwined until one of us had to move onto our next life. He was always there for me, through the good times and the bad. The dancing and smiling when I fell in love and when I succeeded in life's challenges. The sadness when I fell from success or lost the loves of my life. He was my forever in life's rollercoaster. He was a dog, yes, but a very special dog at that. Anyone that met him will agree to this fact. A companion, a father to Kade, a grandfather to Krofti, and great, great, great grandfather to Kez. He was all that plus more......
Now is not the time to share all our life experiences. There were many, a lifetime of memories. For now I am in mourning for a loss that is hard to accept. Yes, I have been preparing for this for a very long time, but that does not make it any easier.
Kai continued his battle for life until he returned to his place of birth. He was born in Lanarkshire and will rest forever in Lanarkshire. This pleases me as it feels very symbolic.
I now wear a charm bracelet upon my wrist, a Christmas present that for now has two significant charms, one of these charms represents my memories of Kai, forever engrained within my mind. I will touch it when I want to remember the good times, and good times there were many!

When a race achieves its objective

Gosport Semi Marathon a distant memory, time to try another similar race. This time with a different objective. A run for fun and a wee blast before next week's 3 race challenge....
Conditions could not have been worse (well they could have but for the purpose of this piece please try and imagine the worst conditions ever!), freezing cold, torrential rain and crowds of people all around me. Not good for a claustrophobic runner.
Wise words from coach firmly etched in my mind "you love to run, racing is running, therefore you enjoy racing" I leapt forward as the gun when off and braced myself for the onslaught.
Within the first 0.5 mile I had to check my stride and almost stop as someone cut right in front of me, two hundred yards later it happened again,and then again. I could feel my ankle react and my mind transported temporarily back to Gosport. Not today. I could not stop today. I dug deep, then deeper and then I found what I needed for that moment. I got angry felt it grow in my belly and into my mind. How rude these people were, do they not have any racing manners at all. It is almost paramount to bullying and very selfish too. Overtake and then cut directly in front of person, causing them to alter their stride just because you want that line. If you are running faster than me then please just continue for a few strides more and let me enjoy my run too.
I am almost ashamed to say this (as it is comparing myself to others which one should not do), but I thought "how many of these people have represented Great Britain, run in a World Championships, and become a Champion of a Nation"?
On that thought, I breathed deeply and continued on my path with a strong mind. I did not get anxious, did not try to escape, just ran.
After a few more miles the crowds had thinned and it was no longer a problem for the claustrophobic runner. I was in the zone, running very comfortably and enjoying the race, even enjoying the rain when it came down in buckets (and these buckets were like the size of 5 tonne skips - honest). I was only running at marathon/ultra pace, which was acceptable as my only objective today was to get to the finish line happy and comfortable, fully prepared for next weekend.
I did it. I got to the finish with a huge beaming smile.
Yesterday I ran a comfortable 5k PB in a very respectable time of 19.06, today I conquered one of my little mind demons.

When a race goes wrong

Gosport Semi Marathon. A chance to test my fitness, push myself and further build my confidence. One of my racing targets for 2009.
Did not happen. I quit after five miles. If I am honest I quit before I even started.
I will not detail the reasons why I actually stopped, I know exactly why I stopped and I am neither proud nor ashamed of my reasons. They were my reasons.
The aftermath of making such a decision can be pretty intense and debilitating. I remember all too well how public opinion was divided when Paula stepped off the course at the Olympic marathon. How quickly people that did not want to understand turned against her. It was nothing short of shameful.
So on that note, I will not dwell on this race and the experience I endured. I will move on and do someting about it to make sure that it never happens again.
Every problem has at least two solutions......

Best Diet Ever - Fall in Love!!

It's official.... Fall in love and the weight drops off!

Is it due to all those delightful chemicals floating around the brain, or is it just that comfort eating is no longer required?

Is it because "love" provides a fuel like no other? A fuel that negates the need for chocolate.... the excitement, the energy, the feelings that come with all that is associated with "love" - sharing dreams, planning dreams, achieving dreams... Mind feeding off body, body feeding off mind...

What ever the reason, I am noticing a significant change in body size and shape, in a very positive way. Starting to feel confident about my little personal target to wear my Scotland Team hot pants in a race before the end of the season....

I am also feeling more confident in my running - very noticeable in a tough training session this evening, one of those ones when you really fear for the loss of your lunch! Post run check of my Garmin seems to prove that running improvements are definitely happening.

Have no fear though, I have no intention of losing any more weight, just a wee tone up here and there, a wee boost of confidence and then bingo, those hot pants can finally get their maiden voyage. But I am targeting some pretty major running improvements....

P.S. It does not need to be a person that you fall in love with. Fall in love with life! Or even just a thought or an act, or maybe even just a dream.

Rewarding a tough week: Run a Marathon!

Not the most common form of reward, but one in true Sandra style - for surviving a very intense week long Laser Safety Management training course (away from home), my personal prize would be to run a marathon... Marathon of choice, Dartmoor Vale - a nice "undulating" fun run for 26.2 miles!

Also a chance to try out my new ankle support, new trainers, new shorts and measure my heart rate for the longest ever race. What better way to spend a Sunday morning...

The plan was to take it very easy, any incidents with my ankle and I would pull out at half way. Being a very cold morning I didn't warm up until about 5 miles, little cold fingers prompting me to envisage within my mind the run across Antartica. Hardly comparable, but did lead to many hours of thinking all about the challenges ahead, in particular my rapidly expanding PhD thesis.... Marathons are fantastic times to think out plans - inspiration and motivation strong. This marathon was exceptional in that aspect as I was running within myself for the full duration and so never hit any tough patches or uncomfortable periods.

Between 16 & 17 miles my ankle became "troublesome", but it did not last and I soon forgot about it - until the 19 mile point when it was painful for a short period and then no more.

20 miles and I was fully warmed up. Ankle strong all hill climbing done, I stepped on the gas. Decided to push on and fully test my ankle support and rapidly growing confidence. Fast down hill section, the sort of decline that only weeks previously would have had me feeling physically sick with fear. Fear of ankle collapsing. But not today, today I flew and what a liberating feeling it was. I overtook many people, growing more and more confident with each stride. Running at just over seven minute mile pace it felt good, both ankle and hip strong.

I maintained a strong pace all the way to the finish. Mission accomplished. My trial of support, trainers and shorts all a success. A full marathon's worth of Garmin data to analyse later.

And my time? 3:33:12 (with nine minute negative split) - third lady overall. Not bad for a fun run, pretty good prize for what had started out as a reward anyway!

And a date with a friend and pizza in the evening to look forward to as well...

The Plan

THE PLAN.

Simply started out as the intention to finally run that snow marathon that I have dreamed of for years. Spoken about to a select few.

Ever since I knew that running and huskies works well together the dream had festered. Why not make it happen, and why not do it for charity? Why not now?

I have always said that one day I will run a big one for a very worthwhile charity. Well, they are not going to get much bigger than this one as I now know that there is a 100k race in Antartica... Much better than just a marathon, and more of a Sandra challenge.

Since then my mind has been working overtime, if I run a 100k in one of the coldest and most inhospitable habitats on Earth, then why not balance that out by running a 100k in Africa? One year after the snow run. Just think of the potential charity fund raising opportunities......

As I was sitting in the sauna and steam rooms today I even contemplated asking for permission to move one of the treadmills into the room so that I could practice acclimatising myself to oppressive heat! Maybe once I know them a little better...

Anyway, THE PLAN has now positively crescendoed since then. Many fund raising and attention grabbing challenges to pursue and to write about. To share with others and to include others. Motivate, inspire and enrol. All ideas have the X100run theme and are presently being pulled together into a business plan proposal that I will be sharing....

Is it possible to raise £100k for a very worthwhile and world wide charity?

I have already dipped my toes in the sea of opportunity and approached several million pound/ dollar companies (one of them is American) with the basic idea in principle - and been met with very positive responses.

Preparation. Stress relievers before the stress....

No race tomorrow. Got a wee cold and feeling poorly, so going to have a "pamper day" instead to make sure that I recover well and body remains strong. Tried a hill session today and could feel "it" in my chest, and every time I sneeze or cough my hip is extemely painful.
And so, instead of racing I am going to make the most of my 6 month membership to the health and fitness club in Eastleigh. Funny how things sometimes work out. I spontaneoulsy enter a 5k race, and win membership to a Health Club located only minutes from my new place of work. I had not even started working there when I won this prize. It is a place that I can visit regularly on my way home from a potentially stressful job. I am equipped with stress relievers even before I feel the stress!
I will have a casual run with the dogs and then go try out the jacuzzi, spa, steam room et al. Never before experienced any of them and am quite excited about the prospect! My change of plan for tomorrow will also give me a chance to do further work on THE PLAN. I have hand written notes in half one dozen books all relating to THE PLAN, now need to start pulling together the business plan around it...

On a roll?

Feeling refreshed and confident after last week's 5k, I decided to attempt a 10k. Gradually build myself up to the Gosport 1/2 marathon in November. Until I have the results of the ankle scan I will continue to train according to how my ankle and body feel. Ankle support continues to work. Very little pain when running.
10k was in Portsmouth, along the sea front so flat and fast as long as the wind was low.
Again I had only one objective for the race. Further successful testing of the support, build upon my growing confidence. And take time during the race to give further thought to THE PLAN that has been growing in my mind for several weeks now....
300 people on the start line, I started near the front to try and avoid any trouble during the intial dash from the gun.
I started my watch several minutes before the start as I wanted to analyse my heart rate pre, during and post race. Trying to build up a scientific profile of how my body works.
Took me about 1k to settle into confortable running pace, just under 7 minute mile pace. Breathing was comfortable and I feel confident that it will not be long before I can maintain that pace and effort for 26 miles. That would give me my sub 3 hour marathon. A big target and big goal.
Under 2k into the race and I knew that I was the lead female. Didn't feel confortable as I knew there were some good runners in the race. Was surprised that I found myself in this position.
Nothing much to report about the race, I kept up the same(ish) pace for about 7k and then for some reason started easing back. I kept on expecting another female to appear on my shoulder,but was determined not to look back to see where they were.
For the first time ever, I crossed the line to break the tape. They actually put a tape across the line for me to run through as the first female. That felt quite cool. A good experience, unfortuantely no photographs to accompany the occassion, just my memories...

A change is as good as a rest?

One week and one day after finshing a race in complete agony. I find myself on the start line of another race. From 100k to 5k. My mind would have previously struggled with the point of putting my trainers on to run for only 5k. Today I am excited, energised and full of enthusiasm. My sole objective for today's race is to run confidently from start to finish. Know no fear as far as my ankle is concerned. The news support has been standing up well to test so far, now to see how it copes with speed and effort....
Very bumpy and eneven grass to start with. For nearly 1k I ran with my eyes glued to the ground, checking out every bump and lump, wanting no surprises, no stumbles. The onto dry mud path, easier to assess the surface but trecherous with all the tree roots and muddy ruts.
I knew I was running close to front of the race, knew that I had just overtaken the lead female. Whilst this did give me a nice feeling of confidence, I was prepared that I could be overtaken later and that was ok. Winning a 5k was not today's objective.
My second objective for the race was to raise my heart rate to a higher level that I ever achieve in training. I still do not know what my maximum heart rate is. Minimum so far recorded is 35bpm, maximum an unknowm and probably will not be determined until I am properly lab tested (lab test is on my long list of "to do's!).
And so back to the race.... Nearly took a wrong turn in my enthusiasm, marshall shouted at me just as I started heading left instead of right after the 4k marker. My breathing was heavy, heart and lungs working hard. Sunglasses steaming up (ahh the perils of loaning my precious Oakleys to someone else), legs and arms pumping hard. Thinking about it... am I allowed to blame poor vision due to "misted over" sunglasses for wrong turns...?
I eased back a little over the final 1k, wanting to ensure that I had something left for the final sprint finsh. Ankle feeling strong, I went for it. Pushed those last few metres and finished the race. First female to cross the line. For me a new experience. Winning a 5k race!
Gulping down lots of water, I waited contentedly for my friend to finish the 10k race. Can one feel contentment if one's heart rate is somewhat excessive? To me it certainly felt like contentment, and also a feeling of hope. A new hope freshly planted within my mind and body.
The offer of a pub lunch was put to me. My immediate thought was how can I have a relaxing dinner before I have a post run shower. Panic set in, being a creature of habit it was not what I do. There is a routine that must be followed. Runners etiquite surely?
But hey, ho, something definitely changing within me as I was persuaded by my friend to go for that pub lunch. And you know what... it was one of the best lunches I have ever had! Valuable lesson learned.

Fall off the horse, get right back on...

By the following day, I was already forming a plan in my mind as to the way forward.
My mind felt so positive and strong,
Back to basics, forget Ultra Running for a while. Let my body rest and ankle recover. Surgery if necessary, try a new support immediately. I would run again. Would run confidently and without fear (that was the worst part of THE race. the fear).
Start with short distances, 5k, 10k, see how it goes.
Immediate phone call to ankle consultant. Appointment made, scan awaits...
Meeting with new sponsor. Two new supports to try. The ones I had my eye on for some time...
As I pulled on the support I felt very apprehensive. Like wearing an open toes boot inside my trainers. Lace up and stap on, the try to fit within a shoe!
But it works. I does not put pressure upon my ankle. Does not force it where it does not want to go. And it feels surprisingly comfortable. So much so that I wore it for a full 12 hours solid as I walked around London City centre (reason why I was there is another story, for another day...).
Running felt good. Wearing the correct trainers, i.e. neutral and NOT supportive, combined with this support and I felt hope in a way that I had not for a while.
Time to put it to the test and attempt a 5k race next Sunday...

Commonwealth Post Mortem

Even before I finished the race I was performing a post portem within my mind. Where/ why did it go wrong.
There is a simple answer. Me - my pig headedness, stubborness and lack of money.
The first thing that the medic told me post race in the first aid tent after I collapsed was that I was wearing the wrong ankle support for my condition. She believed that it was causing me more problems that it was solving. Pushing the joint out of alignment and forcing it to try and preserve my already vulnerable ankle by collapsing.
Had I sought physio treatment for ankle and hip this would probably have been highlighted and I would have been advised to try other types of support. Much like the one I have had my eye on for several weeks but could not afford to buy, and did not want to take a risk do close to THE race.
A new era for Sandra is just about to begin.

The Commonwealth Championships

Where to start....
This was supposed to be THE race. The one where it all came together. Two years of preparation...
Didn't turn out quite as expected. Bit of an anti climax really, but huge and amazingly positive outcomes.
Physical and mental preparation going into this race easily surpassed any before. Rested, relaxed and enthusiastic. Training had been going well, only downfall being my hip niggle and significant ankle problems that have haunted me all year. Only had to hold together for one more race and then time to rest and get that long over due ankle operation.
Being part of the Scottish team and knowing so many people from other competing countries and organisational staff allowed me to truly feel at home all during the weekend in Keswick. So many friends and family there to support me was at times almost overwhelming. Even having the dogs there contributed to this amazing jigsaw puzzle of an experience. The full picture upon it being a big beaming and smiling Sandra!
Having someone there always to help and support me was extremely liberating and made me realise how important help and support is. How much of a difference it can make. I owe a great deal of gratitude to this person. I do not think words alone can express just how it felt to me. Contentment is hard to find, especially under stressful situations such as a race. I felt several waves of contentment during Keswick. Contentment even though it went so wrong. So far off plan. Time 10:22. Collapse at finish. Tears throughought. Scared to run. Fear of putting weight on my ankle. The one thing that I so wished would not let me down.... Did. Can I say that? Can I make that conclusion. Was it the ankle, or was it the mind?
I started the race cautiously, as I always do. Pace myself and allow my body to get into a good rythym by half way.
Food and drink worked well - no upset tums or discomfort. Notes taken for next time...
By 40k I was in trouble. Pain in my ankle that was intermittent, but very intense at its worst. Co-codamol was at the ready and quickly devoured (funny how personal medicinal taking ethics get thrown out the window when it suits..). Then pain went frombad to worse. Ankle started collapsing, giving way on tight bends and uneven surfaces. The tears started, then the panic set it. 60k to go on an ankle that could not take the pounding.
Everytime I passed the drinks station was hell. Seeing family and friend's faces. Them feeling my pain and not knowing what to do. I felt guilty. So guilty for what I was putting them through. I wanted to stop. Wanted to do the "correct sporting"thing. Save myself for another day, another race. Bu the Sandra determination and committment to persevere at all costs shone through. Some choice words from several people reminding me that this was not just any race. This was THE race.
I had to walk. Had to rest my ankle and rest my mind. Do not know how long I walked for, just had to. Broke many rules during the race (re outside assistance, moral support), but I don't think anyone would have disqualified me. Not when I was so far behind all the other runners.
I can feel as I write that I want to get this piece over with quickly. Short sentances, precise words. Not checking phrases, spelling,wording. Just ploughing on to the finish...
I did finish. And I collapsed as soon as I crossed the line. To much effort on body and mind. And apparently overdose of codeine tablets!

My own experience aside, there were some absolutely amazing perfomances during the actual race part of the race. Both male and female winners excelled themselves. Every time they passed me they looked so calm an composed. Strong and tactful running. Impressive to see and experience from the outside. Well done you all. Every who came, saw and conquered whatever battle they had within their mind. Ultra running at its best!!

World Championships: The Race

This time last week I was one hour into the run of my life.  One hour of my first World Championship race representing Great Britain, and already I was struggling badly.

I am sitting here with a delicious Leffe in a very special glass (acquired from Belgium) reflecting upon the race.

I finished in 8:58, 24^th female overall, 15^th European.  Way off my target, the result does not tell the story.   One hour into last week’s race and I was already revising my objective.  8:20 was not a reality, and to just finish was going to be a very tough challenge….

I felt very nervous in the hours before the race, nervous but also excited and confident that I had prepared well and was in good form.  I had some cramps in my stomach, but I dismissed them as nerves or possibly just one of the perils of being a female – very inconveniently my body had reminded me the day before of the fact that I am a female of child bearing age!

The start was very congested and completely disorganized as the start marshals tried to make us all reverse into the marathon runners, never a good idea and everyone was getting squashed like little sardines in a tin. 

The smells on the start were almost overpowering: personal odours; strong deodorants; muscle spray-ons; garlic sweat; bottom burps – it really is a weird place to be.  And if you have a good sense of smell you really do suffer!

And then we were off.  8pm local time, 7pm UK time.  The race had begun.

It took a while for me to get into my stride, dodging and diving between runners, trying to settle into my 100k pace.  I had a target of 8:20, which meant that each 5k should be around 25 minutes, 50 mins for 10k.  I reached the first 5k in 24 minutes and 45 seconds, 10k in just under 50 mins.  I passed Adrian and he confirmed my pacing, told me not to go any faster.  I was happy with that.

I started to feel more intense cramps in my stomach and knew that I would require a toilet break soon.  I was starting to think also of food to take on board and at the next stop I took a Freddo frog and bottle of High5.  Normally I would be taking water at this time, but I did not worry, thinking that it would be good to get some extra carbohydrates into my system as early as possible.  Mistake number 4 (I will explain 1,2 & 3 later). 

Within minutes my Freddo frog had left me and was destined to end his life drowning in High 5, somewhere in the Belgium countryside.

I did not panic and took some water at the next station.  Too early to worry…

The race itself was a 20k loop between two towns, Torhout and Lechtervelde, both towns enjoying party celebrations throughout the night – a carnival atmosphere being had by all.

As I ran through Torhout for the second time, something was wrong inside me.  The cramps were intensifying and I knew that I had to find the portaloo soon.  There were none.  I kept running; hoping to make the countryside, make the security of space and obscurity.  It did not happen.  I will spare you the details, but I do offer sincere apologise to the locals sitting on the park bench and I offer thanks to trees and thick bushes.

At the next stop I took on more isotonic drink, trying to replace the fluids and fuel so forcibly ejected from my body.  The cramps subsided a little and I got to think more of the race and enjoy the Belgium countryside. 

We passed delightful little bouncing lambs, numerous young foals and fields of cows.  The Belgium cows are amazing, they look like bulls due to their massive rumps.  Huge muscular hind legs and they are very long in body as well.  I wonder if they have been "designed" to produce the best rump steak?  I remember that I have my steak challenge ahead...

All along the route there were many locals outside their country houses, but not many offer words of encouragement.  They are just silent watchers.  

More isotonic drink at the next stop and determined optimism that I would replenish my body and get through this bad patch.

My body decided otherwise and ejected the isotonic drink.  I felt despair, it happened just as I entered Lechtervelde and right in front of the locals.  I continued running, but considered stopping.  Turning around, walking back to the last drinks station and Adrian.

And then the most amazing thing happened….

A little boy and little girl came running up to me, I think they were brother and sister.  The boy had his arm outstretched and nestled in his palm was a little bundle of mints.  He offered them up to me with such insistence that I could not say no.  I put them in my mouth and hoped for the best.  He then moved to my right hand side and his little sister came on my left with her arm also outstretched.  There was nothing in her palm and I did not understand at first what she was trying to do.  I hesitated and then reached out to touch her hand.  And she grabbed my hand, grabbed it with all her strength and held on.  As I ran she ran with me, holding my hand and grasping her teddy close to her body.  She was a beautiful little girl with dark features and long flowing hair.  Her face was so alight and she looked so happy.  She gave me something that I was in fear of losing.  She gave me hope and energy combined.  I think I stole some of her energy, although maybe not stole as she gave so freely.  It was an amazing moment running through the town and a memory that stuck with me for the rest of the race and beyond.

Renewed determination, I revised my objective.  Time did not matter in this race, I just had to finish and learn from the mistakes that I had made.  Learn from them in time for the Commonwealths.  It did not matter if it took me ten hours to get round.  I just had to do it.

I quickly tried to think of which foods could help me best.  I opted for Rego.  Liquid carbohydrate and protein combined and also my “comfort” bottle.  Mistake number 5 was to guzzle this bottle way too quickly…..

Back though Torhout, de-javu looking for that portaloo.  I didn’t even make it to the bushes.  I am so, so, sorry to anyone that had the misfortune of seeing the consequences of body rejecting food.  At least darkness offered some privacy!

Now I was worried.  Nowhere near halfway yet and I was in trouble.  I have never been here before and I did not know what to do. 

And so I asked for help.  I told Carolyn (a brilliant support manager and exceptional Ultra Athlete, still holding at least one World Record) what was happening and asked her what I could do.  Coca Cola and little bits of banana was her advice as she handed me some.  I do not like coca cola so to drink it is not the most pleasant experience.  I nibbled the banana and hoped for the best.

By now I was very aware that countryside toilets do not offer the same facilities that our homes do, no toilet paper or wet wipes.  I will spare you the details, but offer some advice.  If you are ever in the same situation do not use High 5 as an alternative, and do not do it in front of a feeding station!  To the Irish lady, whose name I did not get – thank you, you were my saving angel!

It took a while, but the coca cola and banana did help.  I stopped feeling sick, the cramps subsided and I started feeling some energy within my body.

For the next while, I drunk lots of coke and water, but found that I was stopping every half an hour to relieve my bladder.  I felt very dehydrated and probably was upon reflection as there are no electrolytes in coca cola; therefore my body was probably not absorbing most liquid efficiently.

I had some Nuun (electrolyte drink) and tried some muffins, they were yummy and a good alternative to carrot cake.

My hope to finish remained strong and this in return willed my body into a stronger response and I found that my running was strong and determined.

In the early part of the race I had a vision of me running the final lap through the town of Torhout with a Union Jack in one hand and a Saltire in the other.  I shared my vision with Adrian and he promised to help me make it happen.  I felt goose bumps as I thought of it, felt deep emotion within my body.

I spent much time within the race thinking of all my friends and family.  I remembered everyone’s pre race words and felt their spirits by my side, willing me on.  Different people and different words appearing in my mind on different stretches of the route -memories constantly being triggered by different stimuli.

My legs felt very strong, and my mind was focused and determined. 

I finally plucked up the courage to look at my watch and had the clarity of mind to work out what time I could anticipate to finish in.  I realized that I must have picked up the pace as my ETA was now around nine hours.  If I could really pull something out of the bag I might be able to make sub nine.  This realization spurred me on.  My last time check had me coming home in ten hours, now I could still make the Commonwealth Championship time (again as I have already gone sub nine on two previous occasions).

I was now going to complete my sixth 100k.  From six starts I would have six finishes – pretty good statistic.  Each one has given me something different, something to learn from to make me stronger, prepare me for September’s race.

I reached the second last feed station and saw both Adrian and Carolyn, felt their encouragement and took their advice.  5k to the last feed station and then only 2k after that.  Neither spoke of time to me, but I knew, and I knew that it was very close.

The 5k between feed stations was the longest 5k that I have ever run, it just went on and on.  My body felt strong, but it felt like the clock was moving faster than time itself and each stride was taking me further from my 9-hour target.  I barged through the final station, not daring to stop for anything.  Carolyn was ahead of me with both flags, the plan to hand them to me further down the road when there was no danger of them slowing me down or adding to my tiredness.  I gave chase after her, like dog chasing hare.  I was running after a World Champion and I was going to catch her….

We reached the town and I was given my treasures.  Union Jack in left hand, Saltire in right I flew through the town arms high above my head.  It was amazing and the pride in me was overwhelming.  I was flying and chasing the clock, it waited for me, felt like it stopped for me, helped me at the end.  I reached the finish.  8:58:12.

 

So what were my mistakes, where did I go wrong?  Food.   I did things differently and completely underestimated the affects:

Spaghetti Bolognese the night before – I reacted badly the following morning and throughout the day.   I chose to over rule my gut feeling not to eat it.  I did not want to create a scene, appear fussy and not trying to fit in.

Late lunch and accepting something I had not ordered because it was so late and I was panicking that I had to eat something.  Again my gut feeling told me no, and I chose to over rule it.

Cheap cereal (alternatives to what I know works for me) just before the race - trying to save money proving ineffective

I had also planned on wearing my ankle support from the start of the race, at the last minute I decided against that plan.  From 20k I was feeling intense pain and it collapsed several times before I put my ankle support on.  My right knee also caused me distress later in the race, giving way several times and I think this was due to the excessive strain when my ankle was hurting most or possibly related to the hip problem.

Plus there is also the fact that I had returned from China only days before the race

I have been dealing with a hip injury since March, and quit treatment in the lead up to the race purely because I could not afford it

And I discovered yesterday from a blood test, that I have been fighting a viral infection for some time, which could explain a lot of my flu like symptoms of late….

World Championships: The Opening Ceremony

It was over so quickly. 

The parade of athletes through the town and then each country's athletes individually introduced to the crowd.  Heather and I carried the flag together, proud to be carry the heart of a nation onto the stage.

A Scottish saltire was given to me by a good friend.  I draped the scarf around me as we walked to the Pasta Party and it stayed with me throughout the evening.  First and foremost I am British, but I am proud to be a Scotswoman.  I am the only Scottish person running at these Championships, I will run to make you all proud!

The pasta part was cool, I even managed a huge bowlful of pasta - unusual for someone who is not a fan of pasta!

I met more people from different countries, sharing experiences and hopes for the race.

I was even interviewed by the IAU, the worlds biggest ultra running organisation - bit like the IAAF I think, only for Ultra Running.  The interview will be posted on the website - wow!

Looking through all the teams and their best times, it is easy for me to feel extremely intimidated, feel as though I should not be here amongst these phenomenal athletes.

But, I remind myself that I am here on merit, I may not be the best but I have earned the right to run amongst these people.  I am only just starting out on my journey at this level, I have time to gradually improve it takes time and I have that.  I just need to be patient and realistic too.  This week is about experience, realising a dream and taking that forward to my next dream.

This morning my body feels weird.  I have rested in a way I have never before.  I slept for nearly nine hours!  Every part of me feels sluggish and heavy, but worried I am not.  My clever body is preserving itself for the biggest race of its life.  I know when the time comes that the energy will be there.  The pain I feel in ankle and hip will have subsided and body and mind will be strong.

I have prepared all my drinks and food for this evening.  There are nine hours to go....

World Championships Eve

I am finally in Belgium, relaxing and mentally preparing for tomorrow's race.  

The journey was long yesterday, Salisbury to Torhout - 9:15 am  - 8:30 pm before we reached our destination.  It was an exciting journey, met with many unexpected events, including a telephone interview with Scotland's biggest Sunday paper!

I do not feel nervous at the moment, but that will come.  The opening ceremony is in two hours time and I believe that it will be a phenomenally emotional event for me - perhaps when it really sinks in.  I will get to carry the flag of Great Britain, proudly carry it during the ceremony - it might be the moment of a life time.

I have met many of the other athletes, from many different countries and have been welcomed by all - even those that do no speak English.  There have been Germans, Hungarians, Mexicans, Australians, Canadians....

I have also been around the course (by car) and for the first time ever in a race, I have a pacing plan.  I have been discussing the race with Team Manager and Coach and seeking as much advice as possible - they are here to help me, and help me they most certainly are.

I feel like I am being treated as a princess by all around me, and this happening because of my love of running

HONG KONG 香港

WOW, what a day. 

It began with an early morning run round Shanghai nineteen hours earlier, progressed to an Audit of a multi national Company, confirmation of another business trip to a different continent and finally a midnight run around Hong Kong.

I am in awe of the opportunities that I am being given.

The run around Hong Kong was not planned.  Arrival at the hotel was late and the intention was to have a drink and do a little sight seeing.  I was going to attempt a very short run the following morning before departure from the hotel at 5:45 am.  Situation changed and I found myself spontaneously deciding to explore this city in the best way possible that I know – running!

I had no running clothes left, so had to improvise and run in alternative clothing.  I wonder if wonder bra would like me to advertise alternative uses of their merchandise….  Thank fully I did not receive any unwarranted attention due to the fact that I was running around a city in my underwear and a freebie cotton race t-shirt!  Oh the benefits of being not very well endowed!!  And to be honest I actually felt very safe running around the city.  My choice of clothing certainly did not restrict my fun.

The view of Hong Kong by night is breathtaking, amazing structures, buildings and symphony of magical lights everywhere.  They say it is a city that never sleeps at night.  I believe them.

I had experienced many bright lights in the areas of China already visited, but the comparison to the crisp, clear colours and contours of Hong Kong was phenomenal.  Lights combined with smog and poverty, versus lights in clean crisp air and wealth.

My mind was hazing as I was running, awe struck and the adrenalin pumping through my body contributing to the effect.  A week of virtually no sleep and a body still living in UK time I think I am living on adrenalin at the moment.  I will crash soon I know, perhaps on the long flight home tomorrow I will catch up and recovery will be swift.

I was running with camera in one hand, trying to take photographs as I ran through the city.  Reviewing them later on my computer I see that none are focused, they are all hazy and blurry due to the night-lights and inappropriate camera/ settings.  I do not mind.  These photos will be an everlasting memory of this once in a lifetime run.  The blurs, haziness and general haphazardness of this run will be etched in them forever. 

I ran erratically around the buildings, aiming for the harbour but wanting to take the long route to get there in order to absorb as much of Hong Kong as possible.

I found the path beside the Peak tram first - I would never have thought it possible to power a train up the steepness of this track.  I would love to ride this train, all the way to the top and experience the view of Hong Kong by day.  Next visit…

Following this path, very steep steps all the way down into Central, I picked up the Bank of China building and decided to use this as my base.  No matter where I was in the city I could look and see the white triangles and know that I could make it safely back to the hotel.  It was my beacon.

I do not know the names of any of the streets that I ran along, I ran back and forth, along streets, paths and bridges.  All the way to the harbour and the lights across the bay. 

I was disappointed to discover that the harbour has odours that are not very pleasant.  It seems some how inappropriate in such a clean and wealthy city.  I assume that the “Fragrant Harbour” translation for ‘Hong Kong” is not due to the smell that I experienced?

By the time I reached the harbour, humidity had taken affect and my clothes were adhered to my body, saturated in dampness.  Thank goodness for electrolyte drinks as I guzzled half one pint in a matter of seconds.

I remained in the harbour area for a few minutes, time to let my liquid fuel take affect and to daydream across the bay….

I felt the urge to speak to my friends and family.  I had my phone and spoke to several, wanting to share this moment with them, others I could not reach.

My next target was the large ICF Tower, the one where Christian Bale, AKA Batman jumped from in the Dark Knight.  (I had this very fact reiterated to me when we exited the train station only one hour earlier - I felt goose bumps at the time, emotion strong as I gazed open mouthed at the tower and its little companion tower with the same top.)

I wanted a photo of both ICF buildings, preferably both towers in one shot to show the comparison.

I did get the view, see the sight of both ICF towers, unfortunately my camera did not share the same clarity with which I enjoyed the experience!

I ran through a shopping mall, ran past the signs for every designer known to man I think.  I have heard of most, but never owned any of their clothes, or any of their accessories  Perhaps one day I will.  Perhaps one day I can walk in one of their shops and leave with a treasured possession.  Something that I will only ever wear or carry on the most special of occasions, a time in the future when I live like a princess.  Golly gosh, I think over tiredness is starting to kick in!

I ran past a line of the special red taxis, so symbolic of Hong Kong.  The same style taxi that helped us from station to hotel, and back again.

I headed for my white triangled building, my beacon for the return journey home to hotel and bed.  I did not want to go to bed, to end this evening, but I knew that if I continued to run tomorrow would be hard, I would be sleepy and near exhaustion.  I must get some sleep, must remember that I have a World Championship event to run in one week’s time.

Reaching the BOC building signified the start of my steep climb up the hill (of name I know not) and back to the hotel.  Running up the steep stairs beside the tram was tough.  Fatigue beginning to affect my legs, make them heavy and tight.

I ran past one “lady of the night”, the first that I have ever seen….  I felt sad when I saw her.  Sad that for her, and the job that she feels she must do.  And I feel sad for the people that pay her.

I make it back to the hotel.  My body feels so alive with the buzz, the energy of the city providing the charge.  I feel emotional for what I have just shared.

Sleep will not come easily for me tonight, I do not want to close my eyes and leave this place.

World Championship Training: Night Time Running

It has been said to me on several occasions that I am very lucky to have what I have, and be able to do what I do.  I personally do not believe in "luck" per se.  Yes, I am fortunate to have been given the opportunities, (which I have taken) to experience some of the events that I have.

I want to share one such opportunity, one of these experiences with you, allow you to decide whether I am lucky or something else..

 

DRRRRRIIIIIIING!!  It is 12:35 am; my alarm has rudely awakened me after less than two hours sleep.  I leap out of bed and pull on my running clothes that were strategically placed by my bed only hours before.  As I change from pyjamas to running clothes, I realize that I must have been very restless in my sleep as my bedclothes are damp from my sweat.

I do not even stop for coffee, just pick up my running belt with Freddo frog and gel bar inside, take an pre made up special drinks bottle from the fridge and head out the door, strapping a head torch to my midriff as I exit.

Yes, at this ridiculous time of night I am going running - two hours is the plan. 

I am doing this because my 100k race will be run over night and I have never done that before.

This morning I do not take the dogs with me, I am running alone.  Running into the dark of the night.

It has just started raining, light drops cold and sharp upon my skin.  I consider turning back to get my waterproof jacket, but decide against it and push on, hopefully it will only be a cooling shower…

As I run through the village, I am aware that everything feels different, the sounds and smells feel strange to me.  There are few cars around, no people, no birds singing - no signs of life apart from the breath escaping from my mouth.

I feel my heart rate quicken, adrenalin pumping through my veins and I realize that I am scared.  There could be strange people around, drunken louts or worse.  I am out with my comfort zone and miss the dogs.

For 25 minutes I run on heightened alert, constantly planning escape routes if any situation should arise.  At 24 minutes and 32 seconds, I make my escape from fear.  I turn of the road and into the security of the countryside.  In my mind I have reached a safe zone.  My heart rate lessens and I start to relax. 

The rain has intensified now and I begin to realize that it might remain for the rest of my run.  I hear a rumble in the distance that sounds like very heavy traffic, and yet it does not…  Then suddenly all before me lights up in a flash of what appears to be bright blue light.   I am in the middle of a thunderstorm!

I hesitate, unsure whether to be enthralled or petrified.  It is exciting, but I feel that I should be wary, worry about the potential threat to my safety.

The rain is heavy now, soaking all my clothes and dripping down my face.  My gloves can only absorb so much and I know that before long they will be saturated and my hands cold.

I am unsure of the path that I am now running on, it seems flatter than when I normally run in daylight, flatter and wider and I feel very close to the pigs (who were all safely in their sleeping quarters, little snorty noises to be heard every now and again.

I start feeling uncomfortable, I do not feel familiar with this track.  I continue for a while longer, becoming more hesitant with each stride.  I think I have taken a wrong turn, I do not know when but I now know that I am not heading in the correct direction.  I turn around, heading back where I came from.  This error unsettles me, as I am completely unaware of when it happened.  Logic tells me that I cannot actually get lost (just always head for the lights of the Factory that I see in the distance) but the fear of the unknown is strong.  I reach the main track and instantly know what happened.  I over ran my exit by one metre.  I ran on the opposite side of the fence and was actually running in the piggies playground.  The electric fence is closed over during the day, this evening it was open.  For about ¼ mile I was actually running parallel to the track I should have been on!!

Even though I now know without doubt that I am on the correct track, I still feel uncomfortable for a few minutes, every shadow, tree and ridge in the track appearing alien to me, not part of my in built mind map of the area.

The rain is relentless now, intensity increasing as time progresses.

I start thinking of my bed, the place that I leapt from just one hour ago.  I want to be back there, snuggled under the duvet.  Warm and cozy, sweet dreams filling my mind.  It will not be, I am on a mission and my mission does not end for another one hour.

I am now running very close to a place where I once had a very happy memory of what was and remains to this day, the most amazing feeling that I have ever experienced.  The happy memory of this place was ultimately overridden by sad memories, extreme sadness, betrayal and loss.  But even then, I still remember what it feels like to have that amazing feeling; it is forever ingrained in my mind.  For a few moments I relive the sadness, mourn that past life, and that in turn takes my mind back to the race of my life, the only race that I have ever run in the dark.  In the darkness of my mind and also the darkness of the night - I remember it well.  That race gave me so much; I found something in me that I did not think possible, found something that I now understand and have allowed to grow. 

I have no regrets.

In the end he did not share my dream, did not want to share me.  That was what he wanted, his choice, we all make choices and grow from them.  They shape us into what we become.  I became stronger, more determined to succeed.  One day to have that feeling again and it to remain with me forever.

Now is not the time for negative reflection, I have done all that, made the decision to move on and learn from the experience.  Now is the time to persevere in what has become a major thunderstorm!

I cannot feel my fingers; they have gone numb with the cold.  My feet are squelching within my shoes as I run through roads and tracks that have become rivers.  Splash in and out, with not many outs.

I want my bed, I want warmth dryness and I want sleep. I want to wear my GBR warm up suit – so comfortable and cozy.  I want these things, but at the same time I am glad to be where I am, enjoying what I am doing.  How many people can do this, how many could actually be determined and focused to such an extent that they would take this sort of thing in their stride like water of a duck’s back…

There is another blinding flash of light and I catch sight of an object moving rapidly towards me along the ground and at speed.  It takes me a split second to realize that it is a young rabbit heading straight towards my feet.  Whether blinded by my torchlight or the lightening strike I do not know, but this poor rabbit appeared very disorientated.  I moved slightly to the right, but even then I could not avoid contact with this little fellow.  I do not think that he was hurt, I am even unsure if he was aware of the close danger, he hurtled away into the dark and hopefully the safety of his burrow.

The rest of my run is uneventful, just me foundering along in the dark river, all of my body numb with cold.  I do no fear that I will not making it home, I know that I will.

With one mile to go my ankle suddenly starts aching, there was no specific reason, no trip nor fall, but the ache was intense reminding me of my vulnerability.  Reminding me that my dream could still be take from me prematurely.

As I turn the corner to home I think of the question “am I lucky”?  My answer for tonight is “this is not luck, this is one of the reasons why I am a Champion”!

Home at last, (I have run for 2 hours and one minute) it takes me several minutes to open the door, I cannot turn the key within the locked door - my hands are so cold.  They are so numb that they cannot function properly.  Just as I ready myself to waken my housemate, I manage to twist my hand in such a way that the key turns and door opens into a warm and dry world.

I go to bed fully clothed in my GBR warm up suit – it takes me several hours to warm up!  My body has been completely chilled to the bone.

I fall asleep with pleasant contentment of mission accomplished.  I will awaken in several hours and go for a one-hour run with the dogs.  Why?  Because I can…..

 

A Very Historical Event

Guess what.... the temptation was too much!

I went for a very little run, just to try it out, to experience the dream.

And to the far left, a very historic photograph - the first ever image of me wearing a GBR vest.

The second photo is of a happy dancing puppy, sharing my elation!  

Next year Kez will wear the doggy equivalent of a GBR vest when he represents GBR at the CANIX European Championships!

When The Dream Starts to come Alive

I expected tears.  Phenomenal emotion as I opened the special box.  It arrived this morning, my GBR kit - clothes that money cannot buy!  There is so much, so many items that I am almost lost for words.  Speechless.

Today is a "rest" day, I am not supposed to run.  How can I resist the temptation to run this evening.  To run and experience a GBR vest for the first time in my life.  A lifetime's dream achieved.....

Lunch time Running in London

Here’s a nice little lunch time run – 38 minutes at easy pace.  Just long enough to blow out the morning cobwebs, returning fully energized for an afternoon’s hard slog in the office.

It was one of those almost spontaneous runs, no serious planning, just a request from a friend, and as I write, just realized it was my first run around London with another person!!

The aim was to get to Green Park, one of London’s parks, where it would be a little quieter and more relaxing than running around busy streets.  

Of course several busy streets have to be negotiated first, so bracing ourselves we surge forth amidst a sea of city dwellers….

Leaving Great Newport Street we headed through China Town, where I temporarily got lost in the moment.  I am going to visit China next week for the first time.  I am very excited and yet very nervous.  Travelling alone – big adventure, but big scary too.  What if I get lost, cannot eat or struggle to sleep (big worry the week before a World Championship race).  Lost in the moment of China/ Town I drift along, smelling the smells and taking in the sights of what feels like a different world.

We exit China Town and head down a congested street (I will look at my map when I get home, but I think we were heading to Piccadilly Circus/ Regent Street.).  People everywhere, we duck and dive, covering many extra yards as we bounce from window front, to edge of pavement.  I think of the dogs, the fun we could have playing slalom games upon the streets of London.  Probably scaring the nation as a pack of wolves careers down City Streets!

It is fun.  I feel invigorated as we charge down the streets.  Feel powerful, as we are running and others only walking.  I would love to be like the Pied Piper, the man whom all the rats follow by music, only I want others to follow me running.  Want them to feel the invigoration, the energy and the freedom that running brings – the world that can open up to you.

We reach Green Park and breathe a wee sigh of relief.  We have space now to run full stride (if we wanted, but lets keep it easy pace for now) and head right in the park heading towards Hyde Park.

There is now a mass of runners before us, so different from the streets only minutes before.  These runners are heading in all directions, all in their own little worlds – some with earphones, some with friends, others merely with their own thoughts.

Today I have some of my thoughts, plus also words shared with a friend, my running companion for the day.  I am not used to running with others and not used to holding a conversation as I run.  I feel my breathing affected, feel my body reacting differently to the variation in oxygen uptake.  It is not bad, just different and I am enjoying the companionship and sharing of time and space.  Too often running is my world alone, where I go to escape from others and deal with pain and my own mind demons.  Or at least I used to, in what now feels like a previous life.  Now I run for fun and with intent.  A deep desire to follow and pursue my dream until the end.

We reach Hyde Park Corner and enter the park, turning right and running along the sand for a few short strides, thinking of beaches and the salty sea, summer suns and BBQs.  Galloping bareback on a grey Spanish horse, mane and hair flying in the wind.  It is amazing how creative the mind can be when running upon ground prepared for horses living in the City!

We run partially around Hyde Park before taking a left at one of the Cross Roads, heading towards the Serpentine.  Admiring the view of Kensington in the distance we think – our geography might need a little work…

The ducks and geese are aplenty on this path, ambling merrily along between water and path.  If only they knew that the previously committed vegetarian is now looking at them and thinking how much iron does your body have, if I can eat deer, can I eat you…?

Food cravings not satisfied, we leave the ducks alive for now, and head back to Hyde Park Corner and down towards Buckingham Palace.

Running along Horse Guards Parade I am struck by the number of Union Jack flags proudly flying high.  I think of the Union Jack that I will soon be wearing across my chest, and remember that I have still not received my precious GBR kit.  The clothes that when I wear for the first time will bring me emotion like none I have ever felt before.  I believe I will feel a sense of pride that I might well never feel again.  The “first time”, in so many areas of our lives is always special, a treasured moment to carry forward through all the tough times we know we will encounter in the future.

We have a final burst towards Trafalgar Square, where I nearly needed to resort to First Aid treatment when my running friend nearly lost her ankle on a misplaced paving slab, slightly proud from its companion.

Trafalgar Square is our finish line today.  We walk from there to the office, cooling down and savouring the post run feeling.  I look across at the Albannach and remember Saturday night, remember the experience pre, during and post.

Memories are good.  If you write a memory, you encapsulate it in time.  It is there for eternity.  So long as you remember to press the SAVE button.