It has been said to me on several occasions that I am very lucky to have what I have, and be able to do what I do. I personally do not believe in "luck" per se. Yes, I am fortunate to have been given the opportunities, (which I have taken) to experience some of the events that I have.
I want to share one such opportunity, one of these experiences with you, allow you to decide whether I am lucky or something else..
DRRRRRIIIIIIING!! It is 12:35 am; my alarm has rudely awakened me after less than two hours sleep. I leap out of bed and pull on my running clothes that were strategically placed by my bed only hours before. As I change from pyjamas to running clothes, I realize that I must have been very restless in my sleep as my bedclothes are damp from my sweat.
I do not even stop for coffee, just pick up my running belt with Freddo frog and gel bar inside, take an pre made up special drinks bottle from the fridge and head out the door, strapping a head torch to my midriff as I exit.
Yes, at this ridiculous time of night I am going running - two hours is the plan.
I am doing this because my 100k race will be run over night and I have never done that before.
This morning I do not take the dogs with me, I am running alone. Running into the dark of the night.
It has just started raining, light drops cold and sharp upon my skin. I consider turning back to get my waterproof jacket, but decide against it and push on, hopefully it will only be a cooling shower…
As I run through the village, I am aware that everything feels different, the sounds and smells feel strange to me. There are few cars around, no people, no birds singing - no signs of life apart from the breath escaping from my mouth.
I feel my heart rate quicken, adrenalin pumping through my veins and I realize that I am scared. There could be strange people around, drunken louts or worse. I am out with my comfort zone and miss the dogs.
For 25 minutes I run on heightened alert, constantly planning escape routes if any situation should arise. At 24 minutes and 32 seconds, I make my escape from fear. I turn of the road and into the security of the countryside. In my mind I have reached a safe zone. My heart rate lessens and I start to relax.
The rain has intensified now and I begin to realize that it might remain for the rest of my run. I hear a rumble in the distance that sounds like very heavy traffic, and yet it does not… Then suddenly all before me lights up in a flash of what appears to be bright blue light. I am in the middle of a thunderstorm!
I hesitate, unsure whether to be enthralled or petrified. It is exciting, but I feel that I should be wary, worry about the potential threat to my safety.
The rain is heavy now, soaking all my clothes and dripping down my face. My gloves can only absorb so much and I know that before long they will be saturated and my hands cold.
I am unsure of the path that I am now running on, it seems flatter than when I normally run in daylight, flatter and wider and I feel very close to the pigs (who were all safely in their sleeping quarters, little snorty noises to be heard every now and again.
I start feeling uncomfortable, I do not feel familiar with this track. I continue for a while longer, becoming more hesitant with each stride. I think I have taken a wrong turn, I do not know when but I now know that I am not heading in the correct direction. I turn around, heading back where I came from. This error unsettles me, as I am completely unaware of when it happened. Logic tells me that I cannot actually get lost (just always head for the lights of the Factory that I see in the distance) but the fear of the unknown is strong. I reach the main track and instantly know what happened. I over ran my exit by one metre. I ran on the opposite side of the fence and was actually running in the piggies playground. The electric fence is closed over during the day, this evening it was open. For about ¼ mile I was actually running parallel to the track I should have been on!!
Even though I now know without doubt that I am on the correct track, I still feel uncomfortable for a few minutes, every shadow, tree and ridge in the track appearing alien to me, not part of my in built mind map of the area.
The rain is relentless now, intensity increasing as time progresses.
I start thinking of my bed, the place that I leapt from just one hour ago. I want to be back there, snuggled under the duvet. Warm and cozy, sweet dreams filling my mind. It will not be, I am on a mission and my mission does not end for another one hour.
I am now running very close to a place where I once had a very happy memory of what was and remains to this day, the most amazing feeling that I have ever experienced. The happy memory of this place was ultimately overridden by sad memories, extreme sadness, betrayal and loss. But even then, I still remember what it feels like to have that amazing feeling; it is forever ingrained in my mind. For a few moments I relive the sadness, mourn that past life, and that in turn takes my mind back to the race of my life, the only race that I have ever run in the dark. In the darkness of my mind and also the darkness of the night - I remember it well. That race gave me so much; I found something in me that I did not think possible, found something that I now understand and have allowed to grow.
I have no regrets.
In the end he did not share my dream, did not want to share me. That was what he wanted, his choice, we all make choices and grow from them. They shape us into what we become. I became stronger, more determined to succeed. One day to have that feeling again and it to remain with me forever.
Now is not the time for negative reflection, I have done all that, made the decision to move on and learn from the experience. Now is the time to persevere in what has become a major thunderstorm!
I cannot feel my fingers; they have gone numb with the cold. My feet are squelching within my shoes as I run through roads and tracks that have become rivers. Splash in and out, with not many outs.
I want my bed, I want warmth dryness and I want sleep. I want to wear my GBR warm up suit – so comfortable and cozy. I want these things, but at the same time I am glad to be where I am, enjoying what I am doing. How many people can do this, how many could actually be determined and focused to such an extent that they would take this sort of thing in their stride like water of a duck’s back…
There is another blinding flash of light and I catch sight of an object moving rapidly towards me along the ground and at speed. It takes me a split second to realize that it is a young rabbit heading straight towards my feet. Whether blinded by my torchlight or the lightening strike I do not know, but this poor rabbit appeared very disorientated. I moved slightly to the right, but even then I could not avoid contact with this little fellow. I do not think that he was hurt, I am even unsure if he was aware of the close danger, he hurtled away into the dark and hopefully the safety of his burrow.
The rest of my run is uneventful, just me foundering along in the dark river, all of my body numb with cold. I do no fear that I will not making it home, I know that I will.
With one mile to go my ankle suddenly starts aching, there was no specific reason, no trip nor fall, but the ache was intense reminding me of my vulnerability. Reminding me that my dream could still be take from me prematurely.
As I turn the corner to home I think of the question “am I lucky”? My answer for tonight is “this is not luck, this is one of the reasons why I am a Champion”!
Home at last, (I have run for 2 hours and one minute) it takes me several minutes to open the door, I cannot turn the key within the locked door - my hands are so cold. They are so numb that they cannot function properly. Just as I ready myself to waken my housemate, I manage to twist my hand in such a way that the key turns and door opens into a warm and dry world.
I go to bed fully clothed in my GBR warm up suit – it takes me several hours to warm up! My body has been completely chilled to the bone.
I fall asleep with pleasant contentment of mission accomplished. I will awaken in several hours and go for a one-hour run with the dogs. Why? Because I can…..
