I know I can answer these questions with very strong opinions....
I did not choose running, it found me. I have had self esteem/ confidence issues about my body, mind and my actions for as long as I can remember. Constantly uncomfortable with my body, and doubtful of my thoughts and ideas. Not wanting to let people see the real me in case they did not like me. Always craving for people to like me, trying to help others to mask the reality of my own life and what I could be achieving on a day to day basis. One minute my mind would say "speak those words to that person, share your opinion" or "yes do that action, make it happen". Almost instantly my little mind demon would come rushing in saying "no! don't do it, you will fail, you are wrong it will not work". This mind demon is a very forceful character and normally won. I held back for fear of failure. Or put in another context, I held back for fear of the affect that any feedback might have on me. I wont transgress into NLP theorising here, that is for another day, today it is about why my hobby gave me ME.
And so, running found me. It allowed me to eat without fear of getting fat, it gave me energy to feed my body and mind, it helped remove negative energy i.e. stress and worry and it gave me a focus and determination to just "do". It also gave me amazing inspiration for my dreams, my hopes and plans for my future.
I am aware that I write now in the past tense, "it gave me this and gave me that" etc. that is because for many years it was my coping mechanism and I was reliant upon it. If I did not run I went into extremely dark and scary places within my mind. Places where the mind demons ruthlessly ruled, and cold darkness was all around me. Quite simply I needed running to give me life. This was more than just a hobby...
Moving forwards to the present, I no longer need to run. Take today for example, my training plan says REST, no running and that is what I am going to do. After an emotional and stressful week previously I would be panicking about the prospect of not running, but not any more. My mind will remain sunny today I will make sure it does!! P.S. If you want to know more about how I managed to turn things around you will have to read my book.....
Back in the present, my hobby still remains "more than just a hobby", but for very positive reasons. I am very good at what I do, self motivating, naturally talented, self coached (until recently) and very in tune with my body from an athlete's perspective. As a result I have run for my country, become a national champion, finished runner up twice in succession in the UK Athletics championship, and had the third fastest time for 100k in 2008 (UK only).
I am now struggling with the next step in my running. I have much more to give, can improve considerably and can go onto greater things. My hobby needs to move onto another level and I am not sure if I am quite ready for that yet. There are many implications if I do, one of the biggest being that to move forward with this hobby would bring pressure and stress as I constantly strive to improve, race myself, the clock and others. Change my eating habits, affect my social activities, and impact my relationships. Would aspects of these changes not contradict the objective of having a hobby? I also need to ask for help - something that I find very hard to do!
Perhaps I will need to find another "new" hobby.....
