One week and a day have passed. Life has changed hugely in that short time. It has truly been a week of both heaven and hell....
For the rest of my life I will think of Kobi and all that we went through together. From the time we saved his life, until the moment the last breath left his body. We were truly blessed to have been given a snapshot in time to share with a very special little person.
I fell deeply in love with little Kobi. It happened naturally and he in return fell in love with me. This and this alone was how I was able to turn him from a petrified and tortured little person into a confident and trusting dog that trusted me with all that I asked him to do. When he was scared he would turn to me, look deep in my eyes and ask what to do. A smile and a word of encouragement was usually enough to help him cope with the situation before him.
Immense sadness and grief have filled most of my waking hours this past week, even sleep does not offer much respite. The silence in the house is almost deafening, the stillness around us uncomfortable as we remember why it is so.
Kobi and I were to carry the Olympic Torch on 12th July. I cannot fulfil that honour. I do not want to think about it as I do not want to do it. This may change, time will tell. This week of all weeks was when the BBC decided to contact me about it.
But in between the sadness, there have been glimmers of hope and moments of happiness....
Kez no longer paces around, jumping and reacting to every noise. He no longer feels the need to protect Kade or protect Kroi. He eats well and sleeps well and has started returning to the running dog he used to be. He is noticeably happier in the house and more confident when out and about. He has even started playing with his little brother!
Kroi is lost and confused. His best friend no longer there to tease and to play with. He has become clingy to both Ian and I, following us around and looking for regular contact. I feel immense guilt during the times when he looks sad and lost, responsible for depriving him of what he had grown up with. But then I look at the scars on his face that he will carry for life and I remember why we are where we are.
Kez and Kroi started bonding the day of the first attack. Kroi licked Kez's wounds and lay quietly by his side as Kez fought to survive. Kez in return comforted Kroi when he was attacked and protected him from further injury. This bond has since grown as they run together and race together. They make an awesome team and to see Kez initiate play with him for the first time today brought happy tears to my eyes.
Kade is also more relaxed and no longer cries and whines. We no longer fear what we might find if we leave him alone. He is still old and frail, but appears stronger and less likely to leave us sometime soon.
Krofti is the one that has surprised us the most. He bounces around like a little spring lamb, making us laugh at his childish antics. Always the dog that absorbs stress and tension, he has been released from the constraints he once had. Sleeping remains his favourite pastime, but no longer does he feel the need to sleep by our bed.
As for Ian and I? It is easy to forget the bad times, and when we do, we torture ourselves with what we chose to do. To end another's life is the hardest decision that a person can ever make. I have had to make several over the years, each and every one of them remains strong within my mind and will never leave. To have this degree of control is frightening, to make choices that nature delays or avoids.
Our choice ultimately means that Kez, Kroi, Kade and Kroft will now live a happy and safe life and we no longer have to fear another dog or human being getting hurt by a creature with a damaged mind. Kobi did not suffer and he experienced love of the greatest kind throughout his time with us.
Through all this pain and torture, we have absolutely no regrets about Kobi joining the family. The 18 months we shared with him were some of the most challenging and rewarding months of my life. In a flash, we would do it again.
When the pack have settled, we will foster other dogs that need extra special help. Sadly there are many out there, suffering at the hands of humans. We can help them learn how to love and trust and ultimately be strong enough to live a full and long life being man's best friend. We can even teach them how to run.....
One final thing that happened this week. We were invited to start a very special one mile race in Wales on the weekend of the International Snowdon Mountain Race. It is the day before the ACP 100k where I had hoped to run for Scotland for the very last time. The race involves children and is close to the very place where Kobi recognised me for the very first time.
And so, Kobi will make one last journey to Wales on 21st July 2012. We will bid him final farewell in the place where such happy memories belong. The pack will be there, as will some very special friends.
The following day I will run my last ever road 100k. I will not be running for Scotland, I will run for Kobi, run with my heart. Green will be my choice of colour – a shock to those that know me well. And you know what? Kobi may well help me realise yet another dream....
