Dear Kobi,
Forever and a day I will remember this day. I will remember it just as I remember the day we first met. They were both points in time. Points that were to start and end a journey that was one of the most challenging and most rewarding of any I have known.
My heart feels like it has been shredded into little pieces and fed into my belly. My belly churns like a washing machine on high speed cycle. My mind drifts from one thought to another as tears flow down my face like a cascading waterfall.
In time the tears will subside and the happy memories will rise to the surface and spread their wings like little pretty butterflies reaching sunlight for the first time. Until then a dark path lies before me, a path just like the ones we once ran upon at 4:30am... Lots of tree roots to trip me up, and little holes to twist my ankle upon.
I am not on this dark path alone. Ian, Kez, Kroi, Kroft and Kade are with me. We all think of you and mourn our loss.
When we first met you looked so sad, and so lost, did not trust anyone that was around you. Your little body transported you around in an existence that brought no happiness. Something until now that I have never shared with another is that when I looked at you for the first time, I felt as though I was looking into a mirror, a mirror image of many years ago.....
Many years ago, before I discovered running, or to be more precise, before I discovered huskies and running I sometimes felt I was living such an existence. A life with no true meaning or purpose, full of low ebbs and mind demons determined to crush any happiness I tried to create.
I knew on that day, as I looked at you that that I could help you. Help you like I helped myself all those years ago. I believed with love, trust and running I could help you enjoy life as you deserved.
We will never know what journey you travelled before that day. You had suffered at the hands of humans, your starved body and fear of humans was evidence enough of bad and evil. There is a possibility you endured unspeakable acts of cruelty, we will never know the full facts, for this I am thankful as I would torture myself eternally to seek retribution.
But the happy memories can overcome the sad thoughts. And happy memories there were many....
The joy of seeing you wag your tail for the first time,
The sheer delight upon your face as you raced an Olympian in a one mile race,
Becoming an overnight celebrity for your character and personality,
The first time you used the dog door flap – we spent 6 months in a freezing cold house, modifying the internal doors to try and help you deal with this challenge,
The first time you had a proper bone,
The days you played in the garden for hours with Kez as he helped you gain confidence and trust in humans,
The time your ran 16:35 for 5k, which included a poop stop and slow downs....
The day you joined Kade, Kroft, Kez and Kroi at parkrun. The pack of 5”K”s running 5k,
When you caught your first mouse (not nice for me, but you were so proud),
Your “woo, woos” when you were happy,
The day you went to Crufts...
The list is endless as there were so many happy memories, but the biggest and most symbolic memory for me took place in Wales in October 2010. It was only weeks after you joined our pack, and it shocked me so much I almost never acknowledged it. It was the weekend of the Snowdonia Marathon, I was recovering from serious ankle surgery and fearing the prospect of running 26.2 miles. Ian was in front with you on a lead, I came from behind and you recognised me before any of the other dogs. You smiled and came towards me. Maybe this doesn't sound remarkable but this was the first time in your entire life that you'd shown recognition of a human. Recognition that carried with it a smile. Your first smile. The emotion within me was overwhelming and will stay with me until the day I lay my head to rest for the final time.
I also remember the hours and days of frustration trying to connect with you. Trying to earn your trust. The days we had to chase you round the garden just to attach a lead to your collar. Kez always helped, guided you towards us.
I will never forget the patience you taught me as I tried to encourage you to run. Cloaked in the darkness of the pre-dawn you would lay on the ground in fear of gates, trees, shadows – anything you didn't understand. Each time minutes ticked by as we steadily connected and you learned to trust what I asked you to do.
Kez helped you so much. He led you to me on numerous occasions, to show you how good humans can be. He taught you how to run and how to behave around humans. He still suffers with what happened between you and him. In time he will recover, and like me, Kez will remember the fun we all had.
Kroi misses you already. He looked for you this evening,and will look for you for many days to come... He was your friend and play buddy. He does not understand what happened yesterday, but he is strong and will be OK. His scar will fade and we will forget what caused them.
Kade knows that something is different today. He was confused when you returned from the vets many, many months ago smelling so differently. His reaction to you confused you. We could see this as could Kez. Kez tried to protect his old friend Kade, who is weak as a result of age and illness. I don't think you understood Kez's intentions as we did.
Krofti sleeps as I write, but I know he will miss you. He accepted you into the pack from day one and was amazingly tolerant. Turning a blind eye as he saw fit....
Ian grieves for you. You were the first husky puppy that he had the pleasure of living with. You ran together and had fun together. Although reluctant at first you learned to trust Ian. He protected you from yourself, shared pizza and took so many wonderful photographs that we'll keep returning to and remembering those happy times you brought us.
We all fell in love with you. Your attitude, your smiles and your “woo, woos”.
My dream was that we would show the world together just what love, trust, and teamwork can achieve. We were going to run together in the European Canicross Championship in October 2012. I make this promise to you now, in October Kroi and I will run this very race in your memory. With every breath in my body I will strive to bring back a medal for you. You allowed me to believe the dream possible, and the flame burns eternal....
In 2012, the year of the Olympics, we were given the ultimate honour. To carry together the flame on its journey to London, and to the Olympic Games. As a team and in recognition of our achievements and life together we were selected for this honour. I cannot perform this honour on my own.
On Monday a marathon race will be run in your honour. Your were, and are, the mascot of the Kent Roadrunner Marathon, and you will be spoken of greatly on this day. Your spirit will filter through, and every person will think of you at some point during the race.
Ultimately we could not fix the broken bits in your mind. We tried, but the damage was not repairable. I am sorry.
And now I ask one last thing of you. Wherever you are, go find him..... You know who I mean. Find him and he will help you find us again. He will take you to the point where forever and a day you can watch over us....
I will love you forever,
Sandra
