Huskies Running: We run....

We run...

We run with harnesses, but mostly we run without,

We run slowly for hours and miles, we run lighting fast sprints.

We have run with sleds, rigs and bikes,

We mostly run attached to none.

We run with CaniX and we run with Cani-crossers,

Sometimes we run to win, but mostly we run purely for fun.

We pay to race, we run races for free,

Sometimes we run with humans & dogs,

Sometimes we run with just humans,

Mostly we run alone.

We have met people we love and now have forever friendships with,

We have met others that we do not understand.

We run as baby puppies, and we run as veteran dogs,

We run before others begin, and we run when others would stop.

We run because running allows us to go further than walking alone.

Sometimes we are accused of cheating,

Mostly we are applauded for being inspirational.

We share running with children, novices and those that were once scared of us,

We run with Olympic Athletes, and millionaires.

We run where we want, when we want and how fast we want,

Sometimes we pretend it was our choice....

We never decline a run, sometimes short and sweet will do.

We rarely return from a run without a smile upon our faces.

We ran together before cani-cross became a known sport.

We ran together when people used to laugh, disbelieve and question why...

We run faster with praise, feed off the good things in this world,

We slow down with sadness, until we overcome it with joy.

With a spring in our step, we cover the ground,

We watch for the wildlife, take pride in all Great Britain has to offer.

We run and communicate with openness, honesty and trust,

This is how we achieve what we do.

We work together as a team,

Without each other life would not be fulfilled.

Running defines us, it is who we are,

Without running we are mere shadows of who we want to be.

Every day we remember those that no longer run with us,

Every day we think of those that will one day run with us.

Forever and a day, we are Huskies Running.

Time to sing the praises of "Superbrat"...

Time to sing the praises of the one that is known as “Superbrat”, his other "pet" name cannot be published without fear of me losing my reputation....

Publically known as Kroi (pronounced Kree), which if spelled with a C, is the Irish word for heart. A name chosen when I was in Ireland participating in the World Ultra Trail Championships, before I fell off the mountain!! He was given this name as our decision to choose him instead of his litter brother was based entirely on my heart. All around us the evidence was that his brother would be the better addition to our pack. This evidence came from comparing their personalities and confidence when interacting with litter mates and humans. My heart and gut feeling told me to choose Kroi....

Since Kai passed away, there has been no pack leader. No genuine Alpha Male of the dog variety. There is no question who is ultimately “pack leader” in the pack, but I am a human and my cross species communication is limited.

As well as looking for a dog that could ultimately become Alpha Male, with the correct guidance and nurturing, we were also looking for a dog to be a training partner for Kez and myself. This role is relatively easy to fill, any well bred Siberian Husky will do, preferably one of Wildenfree breeding.

From the start, we have trained Kroi differently than any other dog we have had. I have had Siberian Huskies for nearly two decades and other dogs before them. We have expanded his “acceptable behaviour” boundaries and allowed him to get away with more than a puppy should. We have done this through choice. I would not recommend most of what we do to the novice dog owner, but I am confident that by the time this dog reaches maturity, he will have proven himself to be a very special dog indeed. He has already exceeded all my hopes, dreams and aspirations for him, and he is still only 11 months old!

He is the first Sibe that I have ever trained to pull at all times when I am running with him attached to me. All the others have been trained to run in front of me, but only to offer assistance when I specifically ask. With Kroi my approach is different....

The first time he raced a 5k with his brother Kez, we ran just over 18 minutes, the next race we ran 17:38, and then we ran 16:58 (overtaking 173 runners in the process). We have run sub 5 minute miles together, run hundreds of miles together and he still is way off his full potential. We have yet to run a race where we have not stopped, slowed down or been distracted in some way or another (don't ask about his attitude to multiple lap courses....).  And, like his brother and me he is a front runner, he runs best when there is no one else in front.

But the race results/ run performances do not come easily or without consequences. This puppy is hard work, he believes that he is invincible, and he believes that he should rule the world. He is impatient, he whines when he does not get his own way, and he frequently makes demands on both Ian and I! But, and a big but, he has the most endearing personality, a phenomenal working attitude, and him and I already have an amazing connection. Plus he makes me run down hills at a speed I would never previously have been confident about - I have no choice, I just follow him and hope that legs can move quickly enough and that I do not lose my footing!!

He has yet to run a solo race, this will not happen for a while as he needs to learn control. He will learn this from running with Kez. Every race we do Kroi sets the pace, Kez ensures that we safely manoeuvre ourselves around the course. We avoid other dogs, take the correct turns and don't chase cows or geese....

He will be ready to run solo by October, for one special event,which is only 5k – a mere sprint for a husky. After this he will join his brother in the ultra running world.

He most definitely is a Superbrat, our very own superbrat, and the most amazing one I have ever known.

What is normality..?

Life is weird... Ups, downs, but mostly downs at the moment.  I cannot forget Kobi, he is everywhere, and as time passes it is easy to forget why he is no longer with us, and wish that the ending was so very different....  Every day people ask me about the "flame", and every day my heart skips and beat and my stomach churns to the point of sickness.  I know time will heal, but I also know that I am a very impatient person.  I fell in love and nurtured this little creature, I cannot "let go" just like that.

The picture that I chose to share with this blog has a very special cloud within it, there is now another special cloud that will be floating up to join those that already reside there...

So back to the harsh reality that is life.  Life must go on, and it does.  So much has changed and yet so much remains the same.  The pack is settled, stress dissipated like the smoke from a cigarette extinguished by dropping the butt in a water can.  As easily as that, it happened.

Kez is a different dog, the one I used to know, he continues to protect the pack and keep his little brother in check....  He watches over me, I can see and feel his gaze frequently.  My protector in the flesh.

I ran a bad marathon last weekend.  Bad as in I did not enjoy it.  Running to me is about fun, enjoyment and the fact that I can run.  This escaped me last weekend...  The pain I live with every day came back to haunt me.  To remind me that I am on borrowed time.  I intend to continue to borrow, but with a lot of help from friends and sponsors....    Like the pheonix from the ashes, I will return...

The end is nigh? I think not.....

The objective? Run around London, with a smile upon my face and a spring in my step for the full duration. For the time-obsessed people, my aim was somewhere between 3 and 4 hours...

The reality? Mostly I ran around London in agony, in fear and in tears.

However, there were some really good, happy and positive moments as well.

The atmosphere in London in the week leading up to it, and on “Marathon day” cannot be beaten. Everywhere you go there is a buzz and everyone feels a part of it, runners and spectators alike.
Memories of my time working and training in London came flooding back...
Seeing all the happy people achieving their dreams and goals.
It didn't rain like it said it would!
The man handing out Cadbury's Boost bars on the course.
Seeing the leading men as they ran in the opposite direction, just after Tower Bridge, awe inspiring moment.
I just love getting the goody bags at the Expo and at the finish, even though I don't really need a little pack of salt or men's toiletries.

And some of the bad....

Way too many runners who insist on cutting up other runners. I suffered on numerous occasions as did fellow runners. I saw and heard two people fall very heavily not long after the start. For one of them it was the end of his race, probably after months of serious training.
People who insist on wearing MP3 players.
Water bottles thrown under the feet of fellow runners – one runner directly in front of me twisted his ankle badly as a result.
The spectators that crossed directly in front of the runners, forcing them to run around or come to a complete standstill.
Some quite funny moments...

The runner who thought he was merely high 5'ing a spectator - the person who was actually offering Vaseline on their hands – to see him realise his error and try to get rid of the Vaseline did make me laugh.
People genuinely believing that the marathon had not been correctly measured as it differed from their Garmin reading.
The people in fancy dress, some were hysterical!

So, to the run itself. My run around the streets of London Town....

I was in considerable discomfort prior to the start, my ankle causing me problems for the past few weeks. I opted to wear my full brace support in preparation for the issues that I knew I would have later in the race. I had also opted to wear a larger size of my usual Gel Nimbus, to try and prevent the toe nail problems I have had of late.

After the initial bedlam when the gun went, and all the silly runners sprinted off the line, jumping in front of other runners and generally causing chaos, the first 6 miles were relatively comfortable. I was cruising along at a pace I knew I was capable of maintaining for a while. Having run more than 70 marathons and ultras I have a very good understanding of what my body can/ cannot do. I knew if I maintained that pace it would get tough, at which point I would decide whether to slow down and enjoy, or not.

The weather was a lot warmer than forecast and I was pleased that I had opted for sunglasses and not gloves and hat. I had also made a few other changes to my “normal” routine. Whether they played a part in what was to follow is something I will have to determine by process of elimination over the next few weeks.....

Not long after 7 miles I started feeling intense pain in both my left ankle and right foot, on the tarsometatarsal joint (where little toe joins foot). It became a problem to run freely as I couldn't decide which leg to limp upon! The pain coming from my right foot eventually won as it became more and more intense with each stride. I took advantage of a “comfort” break to loosen the laces on my left shoe to the point of being very slack, just to reduce the pressure and ease the pain. It worked and the pain became more manageable, either that or the pain in my ankle became so intense the right foot paled into insignificance...

Either way, the ankle pain got more and more intense and I knew I was in serious trouble. I have been there before and I will be there again. Time to forget any enjoyment for the rest of the run, now I would have to manage pain and fight the desire to stop and crawl into the nearest drain. Stopping was never a serious option, any other run possibly, but not in the London Marathon, anyway it was quicker to run to the finish than try to jump on a tube or other form of public transport. Ian and my friends would be waiting for me at the finish line and all the people tracking my run on-line would have been very worried if I stopped passing across all the tracking mats....

Yet again I found myself fearing my running future... Each step hurting more and more, no matter whether I went quicker or slower, it hurt. To go faster was not really an option as my motivation and desire to achieve happiness on this run was being ripped to shreds.

I had periods where I was able to forget the pain, seeing Traviss and Rachel on Tower Bridge was one such point, as was seeing Michelle just before half way. There were also numerous shout outs of my name, and I am sorry to those that I was not able to acknowledge.

Round about 16 miles, someone cut in front of me on a bend, causing me to deviate from my chosen path, and the ankle collapsed. Fortunately my chosen ankle brace prevented a more serious problem, I merely stumbled, and kept running, overcompensating on my right hand side, thus causing my “toe joint” problem to worsen.

En-route to Canary Wharf, and a fabulous site... The most delightful pint of Guinness waiting for me. Offered to me by Bryony and the Andover Athletics Club supporters, it provided temporary respite and I was able to smile for a little while after, hoping in desperation that the alcohol would provide me with a miracle cure, along with their words of support.

The miracle did not happen and I was soon back to managing an ankle that by now was frequently collapsing. I felt like I had been transported back to the doctors surgery, to that fateful day. I heard his words and felt his words. He was right. At this point my breathing became very erratic, I possibly even stopped breathing. Suddenly I was stationary and in danger of fainting. Just in front of the water station, I managed to hold myself together, grab a bottle and pour some cold water over my face and head. In danger of resorting to walking all the way to the finish, I fumbled to find something within my mind and body to help me. And then I remembered....

He was in fact wrong, I had conquered his defeatist attitude and had gone on to run a marathon within months of him telling me to the contrary. In actual fact I have now run in excess of 70 marathons and ultras. I have been a national champion, and I have run for Great Britain.

And there it was, the fighting spirit returned and I got back on track towards the finish. Thinking of Ian at the finish, all our friends. I also thought a lot about Kobi, remembered his “woo, woos” of delight every time he saw me. The times during Thames Trot 100 when he knew I was coming. I wished he was waiting for me at the finish, but he would not be. But I could still pretend, and run as if he was....

I dug deep, and kicked on. Hearing Nick shout my name, I was able to turn around and see him and Phoebe supporting from the sidelines. Remembered their happy news that we learned of on Friday. I then started thinking of so many friends and all that they do. Friends running today, others watching. I remembered all their words of support for all that I do and all that I try to do...

On another day, I would not have been jogging down Embankment, I would have been flying down there. Sadly not today, but I could still remember what it feels like...

Big Ben struck at 1pm, a delightful sound, but not quite enough this year to have me start running 6 minute miles. There was no spectacular “sprint” in the last few miles, just a determined stride to the finish and a final 100 metre dash for the line.

I crossed the line a very relieved person. As soon as I stopped my mind accepted just how painful my ankle actually was and it became a problem to weight bear upon it. I have become used to this and have perfected the art of limping... The only problem this time was that my right foot was also extremely painful, and it is very hard to limp on both legs.  The hug and support from Alan on the finish line definitely did help!

Very emotional at the finish, for a number of reasons:

It hurt, I was in a lot of pain;
I had not achieved my objective of running for fun and for pleasure;
It may be my last ever London Marathon;
I may not make the start line of my hoped for “100k swan song”;
I could have stayed in bed, ran with the dogs and watched the marathon on television;
I fear that I know what is wrong with my ankle, and if I want a solution, I need further surgery.

However, although my objective was not achieved, there are several possible reasons why:

Twisting and turning on my ankle hurts it, I already know this, dodging runners causes huge discomfort;
I do not train on tarmac (oops, I kinda forgot that until reminded by Ian this morning...);
I wore a larger size of trainers for the first time in a marathon;
I have never worn a rigid brace with road shoes on a tarmac course of more than 10k;
The bus journey to London caused a lot of ankle pain;
The toe problem could have caused me to put excessive strain on my ankle;
At no point did I wear my trusted and dependable, best friend... Tubi-grip.

I now have a new plan to determine what I can do to manage the situation better... There are many options to investigate. Plus I have an amazing sponsor in Trion:Z. For years they have helped magically power me (and also the dogs) and they have recently introduced me to the world of Rehband. Next month I have a very important meeting with them,that has me very excited....

I am not going to give up yet on my 100k dream finale yet, but I will not start the race if there is a danger of me not finishing. I do not want another Keswick, unless it is brown and furry that is ;-)

Managing pain, and flipping it on its back...

Every day I am reminded what it feels like to feel pain. Sometimes the pain is so intense it takes my breath away. It can make me feel nauseous and it has me close to tears. But, and a big BUT, this very pain and the circumstances around it are what help me be who I am and achieve what I have achieved. It does not stop me running and it does not stop me leading a very active and exciting life. It just hurts a lot and has taught me a lot about managing pain and about digging deep. The human mind and body have phenomenal depth and I for one know that I have not yet dug deep enough to get right to the core and beyond....

My pain stems from an ankle injury as a child that was misdiagnosed. A compound fracture went untreated, resulting in bone, ligament and cartilage degrading over a 16 year period. By the time the MRI scan identified the full extent of the damage it was too late for a large section of bone, most of the cartilage and all three ligaments. Years of chronic ankle instability had further worsened the original injury. The blood supply within the joint had been severed and dead bone and tissue existed within.

The first operation cleaned up the joint, drilling through the bone helped create scar tissue which now acts as cartilage. The second and third operations performed further re constructive work on the bone and ligaments. Further operations will follow, but I am ignoring them for now.

Throughout my childhood there were frequent visits to the doctor due to my intermittent limping. The diagnosis was simply that I was craving attention and pretending it hurt when there was obviously nothing wrong – “it was just a sprain”. My mum was the only one who believed me and insisted time after time that we visited the doctor in the hope that something could be proven.

It was many years (and a school medical later) before they finally relented to her persistence and a CT scan was arranged. The scan identified a hole in the bone, but as I was young and growing it was considered that in time, it would heal itself....

Fast forward many years... I met a doctor that believed what I was telling him as I described my ankle and how it would collapse or lock up without warning. How I could not descend stairs properly and the frequent times I felt like banging my head against the wall to make the pain go away. He arrange an MRI scan...

“Severe necrosis” were just two of the words used to describe the findings of the scan. Forever etched in my mind I knew it meant something bad. But the greatest memory was the realisation that there was a justifiable reason for my pain. I hadn't made it up to seek attention, it existed for real. All those people that had called me a liar were wrong.

The consultant who has performed all my operations to date is amazing and fully supportive of me and of my running. It was not him that told me I would never run again. That was his registrar at the time, his name I cannot remember, which I am sad about as I owe him a lot. Without his blatant disregard for the ability of the human body and mind I may well never have gone onto prove what is achievable. I might never have run London Marathon, become a National Champion or worn a vest for Great Britain. I may well have become the cripple that he told me I would be within 5 years.....

The operations have definitely improved my ankle, it does not collapse or lock in the way it used to, I can confidently walk down stairs and run down hills. But it does still hurt every day, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. When I run confidently and strongly there is minimal pain. When I run slowly, awkwardly or sometimes when I am just walking it hurts. It even hurts when I am sitting or laying down, doing nothing, a pain similar to intense toothache.

There have been several solicitors that have wanted to “take on my case”. For all the pain and suffering that I have endured since I was 13. The fact that it was not X-rayed; the misdiagnosis by the A&E doctor on the day of the accident; the frequent visits to the doctor that were ignored; the medical records that “got lost”; the rude doctor that called me a liar and also called me fat, and so on....

I said no, quite simply because through all that has happened I have been given a very special gift. A gift that no one could ever have handed me in a prettily wrapped box with a bow. A gift that no monetary compensation could ever give.

It gave me hope, determination, belief and commitment. It gave me the ability to endure pain, it helped me learn how to create a dream world. Create dreams that offered an escape from the reality of physical pain and emotional suffering when people called me bad names. It ultimately helped me become a very good ultra runner.....

The pain will continue forever and a day and there will be more surgery. Each time I feel the pain I will dig deeper, I will create the dreams and realise the dreams. I have not yet dug deep enough to get to the other side, so I reckon that there is a lot more digging to do....

Poetry in motion: in a parallel universe

Watching the two brothers run side by side, stride by stride, mile after mile is a joy to behold. Unspoken words between them, they frequently match each others action. Synchronised responses to a sound, smell or movement from the undergrowth. Running for several hours this morning in the Wiltshire countryside reminded me exactly why I run, and why I run with huskies.

So much sadness and tension of late, this weekend has seen us transported to a parallel universe where happiness, joy and fun have roamed free for a little while.

Parkrun yesterday nearly did not happen, last minute work panic for Ian requiring his immediate attention. If I went to parkrun,I would have to go alone. Suddenly scared and fearful of not being able to cope on my own, I hesitated and hovered in the house....

A few nose punches from Kroi, some paw slapping from Kez and I was convinced that we would be better running as a team than crawling back into bed.

Newbury parkrun was the chosen event, due to the fact that a special friend was running her 100th parkrun. An awesome achievement, well deserving of recognition and support. We had once before visited Newbury parkrun. The day Kroi broke the 18 minute barrier for the first time. Newbury holds one huge advantage over most other parkruns from a Sandra/ Husky perspective..... It does not involve multiple laps! Set up by the original King and Queen of parkrun (Rach and Mark) it is fast earning a very positive reputation. I for one know that it is only a matter of time (and practise) before a certain little puppy produces a very special performance on this course.....

Arriving at the start was a rather emotional affair, lots of friends and words of support. Seeing Elaine and how excited she was about running her 100th parkrun and I was delighted that I had made the effort to be there.

And the actual run? Due to my lack of preparation, and faffing around, I missed the start. I was there in position with Kez and Kroi, but with no neckline attached. Everyone started running and I could not follow. Running two dogs at speed amongst human runners without a neckline is a reckless and foolish choice. Safety is paramount and I have seen too many out of control dogs and the reactions from non dog running people to do what I know is wrong.

Knowing that the first ½ mile of Newbury parkrun is very congested and that there were nearly 200 runners in front of me, I considered pulling out of the run and going for a run in the opposite direction. An inexperienced puppy slaloming amongst human runners and dogs would require phenomenal amounts of control and restraint.

And then I thought of Kobi and Ian. What would I tell them? “Sorry, couldn't be bothered with the challenge so I took the easy option...??”

That was all it took to convince me to run down the same path as all the other runners. Neckline securely attached, one word from me and the boys leapt off the start line. Many stop/ starts were to follow as we tried to safely manoeuvre through the runners. There were times when there were no gaps safe enough to pass through, and we came to a standstill until it was safe. Having to go wide of many dogs also resulted in huge detours and risky (to my ankle) routes. The boys were amazing, responding to my every word. Fellow runners were brilliant, parting like the Red Sea to make safe our passage...

When we finally had a clear path I asked them to pick up the pace, and they responded in fine style. Wearing my Garmin, I am fully aware of what pace it considered I was running, and it is safe to say that I am closer to one very long held dream than I realised.....

I caught up with the front runners just before half way and chose to sit just behind them. As we ran round the final bend, and into the very long home straight, I noticed that Kez was trotting and looked a little uncomfortable running alongside Kroi's bounding stride. I also know that Kez runs best when he is running from the front, as does Kroi. They both relax as soon as there are no runners in front of them, usually speeding up without me having to ask. I picked up the pace and Kez responded. Lungs and legs burning, we flew to the finish and a very respectable official time of 17:38. (Garmin time was 16:58). As we sprinted to the finish tears flooded my eyes. An outright win, done in such an amazing way was a true tribute to Ian and Kobi, and to all those that never give up on their dreams.....

Running in the Wiltshire countryside this morning I thought a lot about our parkrun of yesterday and all the runs I have done with all of the dogs, ever since my first husky nearly two decades ago. During parkruns I harness their power and we run as a team, them assisting me, me trying to keep up with them. On our long training runs they are not harnessed to me. They have the freedom to run in front, behind or to the side, they have as much freedom as 20 ft leads will allow. I can truly appreciate their beauty in a way I cannot when I am staring only at their tails! They do not physically help me, but they definitely help me emotionally and psychologically. If they run in front, I do not want them to be restrained by the lead when it goes taught upon their collar, so I run faster and give them the freedom that they so deserve.

We are blessed with the running trails that are on our doorstep. Miles of traffic free countryside with such delights as fields of baby pigs and baby sheep, hyperactive hares and delightful deer. Seeing or meeting these creatures when accompanied by huskies offers brilliant speed and strength training . Strangely enough when running without the dogs I don't appear to get this additional training benefit....

Another fabulous run completed, we returned home to breakfast and further happy sights. Kez appears to have transformed into a young puppy, so happy and playful, cheekily playing with Kroi. He smiles every time Ian or I speak to him and he wags his tail and bottom in a way I have never previously seen him do.

I want to stay in this parallel universe......

The week that was: Heaven and Hell combined...

One week and a day have passed. Life has changed hugely in that short time. It has truly been a week of both heaven and hell....

For the rest of my life I will think of Kobi and all that we went through together. From the time we saved his life, until the moment the last breath left his body. We were truly blessed to have been given a snapshot in time to share with a very special little person.

I fell deeply in love with little Kobi. It happened naturally and he in return fell in love with me. This and this alone was how I was able to turn him from a petrified and tortured little person into a confident and trusting dog that trusted me with all that I asked him to do. When he was scared he would turn to me, look deep in my eyes and ask what to do. A smile and a word of encouragement was usually enough to help him cope with the situation before him.

Immense sadness and grief have filled most of my waking hours this past week, even sleep does not offer much respite. The silence in the house is almost deafening, the stillness around us uncomfortable as we remember why it is so.

Kobi and I were to carry the Olympic Torch on 12th July. I cannot fulfil that honour. I do not want to think about it as I do not want to do it. This may change, time will tell. This week of all weeks was when the BBC decided to contact me about it.

But in between the sadness, there have been glimmers of hope and moments of happiness....

Kez no longer paces around, jumping and reacting to every noise. He no longer feels the need to protect Kade or protect Kroi. He eats well and sleeps well and has started returning to the running dog he used to be. He is noticeably happier in the house and more confident when out and about. He has even started playing with his little brother!

Kroi is lost and confused. His best friend no longer there to tease and to play with. He has become clingy to both Ian and I, following us around and looking for regular contact. I feel immense guilt during the times when he looks sad and lost, responsible for depriving him of what he had grown up with. But then I look at the scars on his face that he will carry for life and I remember why we are where we are.

Kez and Kroi started bonding the day of the first attack. Kroi licked Kez's wounds and lay quietly by his side as Kez fought to survive. Kez in return comforted Kroi when he was attacked and protected him from further injury. This bond has since grown as they run together and race together. They make an awesome team and to see Kez initiate play with him for the first time today brought happy tears to my eyes.

Kade is also more relaxed and no longer cries and whines. We no longer fear what we might find if we leave him alone. He is still old and frail, but appears stronger and less likely to leave us sometime soon.

Krofti is the one that has surprised us the most. He bounces around like a little spring lamb, making us laugh at his childish antics. Always the dog that absorbs stress and tension, he has been released from the constraints he once had. Sleeping remains his favourite pastime, but no longer does he feel the need to sleep by our bed.

As for Ian and I? It is easy to forget the bad times, and when we do, we torture ourselves with what we chose to do. To end another's life is the hardest decision that a person can ever make. I have had to make several over the years, each and every one of them remains strong within my mind and will never leave. To have this degree of control is frightening, to make choices that nature delays or avoids.

Our choice ultimately means that Kez, Kroi, Kade and Kroft will now live a happy and safe life and we no longer have to fear another dog or human being getting hurt by a creature with a damaged mind. Kobi did not suffer and he experienced love of the greatest kind throughout his time with us.

Through all this pain and torture, we have absolutely no regrets about Kobi joining the family. The 18 months we shared with him were some of the most challenging and rewarding months of my life. In a flash, we would do it again.

When the pack have settled, we will foster other dogs that need extra special help. Sadly there are many out there, suffering at the hands of humans. We can help them learn how to love and trust and ultimately be strong enough to live a full and long life being man's best friend. We can even teach them how to run.....

One final thing that happened this week. We were invited to start a very special one mile race in Wales on the weekend of the International Snowdon Mountain Race. It is the day before the ACP 100k where I had hoped to run for Scotland for the very last time. The race involves children and is close to the very place where Kobi recognised me for the very first time.

And so, Kobi will make one last journey to Wales on 21st July 2012. We will bid him final farewell in the place where such happy memories belong. The pack will be there, as will some very special friends.

The following day I will run my last ever road 100k. I will not be running for Scotland, I will run for Kobi, run with my heart. Green will be my choice of colour – a shock to those that know me well. And you know what? Kobi may well help me realise yet another dream....

Dear Mommy, I know where you are...

Dear Mommy,

I am so happy. I know where you are....

Yesterday I met the most amazing dog. He was so big and wise, and had a twinkle in his eye every time he spoke to me. He did not scare me and I felt so safe with him. He told me that he knows where you are and that he would take me to you. He told me to be patient as I had to enjoy a very special time before I could see you. I am very impatient, but I trust this dog and know he means what he says. He looks like Krofti, only much bigger and speaks with the funny accent like my human mum.

I don't live with human mum and dad any more. I live in a very special place where everyone smiles and is happy. I am never hungry and I am allowed to play with everyone. There are so many nice people and animals where I am. I never get told what to do and I can jump and bounce and make as much noise as I want. I never feel pain and my head never hurts like it used to.

I am not sure how I got here, suddenly this big dog just appeared and stood in front of me. He said that I would need to say goodbye to human mum and dad, they could not come where we were going, but they would know where I was and that I would be forever safe and happy.

I did as he said and as he walked away, I trotted after him. We ran for hours and I never got tired, my legs did not hurt and I didn't run out of puff. We stopped often to look around us and to play with all the other animals and humans. He let me sniff all the blades of grass and run after all the squirrels. I did not want to hurt the squirrels, I just wanted to rub my nose in their big bushy tails, and they let me do this, it was so much fun.

After we had run for hours and a day, the big dog stopped and told me he had a very special present for me. He was looking far in the distance and I followed his gaze.....

I could see human mum and dad and all the “K” pack. Mum and dad looked so sad. I shouted “woo, woo” in my loudest voice, but they did not turn to smile at me.

“They cannot hear you young Kobi” said the big dog, “only you can see and hear them, you cannot speak to them or touch them. From here, forever and a day you will be able to watch over them”.

I lay down and watched for a very long time....

Kez slept a lot, something he never used to do. When he awoke he walked around in a very relaxed way. I never heard him growl and he nuzzled Kroi a lot. He played with Kroi, I don't remember him ever doing that. I remember when Kez played with me and helped me learn to trust mum and dad, helped me run and have fun.

Kroi played with Kez and all his toys, but not the fluffy caterpillars. Mum had given us both our very own fluffy caterpillar, I took the insides out of mine and Kroi pulled all the legs off his.

As I watched I saw that Krofti no longer slept upstairs and looked like a puppy again, he kept bouncing around like a little spring lamb, legs flying everywhere. Even Kade was bouncy and playing with him. I never once heard Kade cry or whine.

I saw Kez and Kroi run together in a race. I watched Kroi do all the things that I had taught him to do. I smiled when he tried to play with the dogs watching the race. I used to do that and Kez taught me not to do it when racing, just like he was telling Kroi. They ran really quickly, but I smiled when I realised that Kroi didn't run as fast I did the last time Kez and I raced together.

As I watched them I saw the big dog smile and look fondly upon the pack. I realised then who this big dog is. He is the creator of the “K” pack, the very heart of all that now lived below us. The last thing human mum had said to me was to go and find him, and here he was.....

I smiled and said many “woo, woo's”, the big dog smiled and turned to me. “We will return here whenever you want, with me always by your side. For now we must go and meet you real mommy. Dreams always come true for the true and good creatures in this world and the time is right for this one...”

This will be my last ever letter to you mommy, next time we talk I will “woo, woo” my words in your ear...

Forever,
Kobi.

Kobi, in true “Olympic Spirit”, a flame for you will burn eternal...

Dear Kobi,

Forever and a day I will remember this day. I will remember it just as I remember the day we first met. They were both points in time. Points that were to start and end a journey that was one of the most challenging and most rewarding of any I have known.

My heart feels like it has been shredded into little pieces and fed into my belly. My belly churns like a washing machine on high speed cycle. My mind drifts from one thought to another as tears flow down my face like a cascading waterfall.

In time the tears will subside and the happy memories will rise to the surface and spread their wings like little pretty butterflies reaching sunlight for the first time. Until then a dark path lies before me, a path just like the ones we once ran upon at 4:30am... Lots of tree roots to trip me up, and little holes to twist my ankle upon.

I am not on this dark path alone. Ian, Kez, Kroi, Kroft and Kade are with me. We all think of you and mourn our loss.

When we first met you looked so sad, and so lost, did not trust anyone that was around you. Your little body transported you around in an existence that brought no happiness. Something until now that I have never shared with another is that when I looked at you for the first time, I felt as though I was looking into a mirror, a mirror image of many years ago.....

Many years ago, before I discovered running, or to be more precise, before I discovered huskies and running I sometimes felt I was living such an existence. A life with no true meaning or purpose, full of low ebbs and mind demons determined to crush any happiness I tried to create.

I knew on that day, as I looked at you that that I could help you. Help you like I helped myself all those years ago. I believed with love, trust and running I could help you enjoy life as you deserved.

We will never know what journey you travelled before that day. You had suffered at the hands of humans, your starved body and fear of humans was evidence enough of bad and evil. There is a possibility you endured unspeakable acts of cruelty, we will never know the full facts, for this I am thankful as I would torture myself eternally to seek retribution.

But the happy memories can overcome the sad thoughts. And happy memories there were many....

The joy of seeing you wag your tail for the first time,

The sheer delight upon your face as you raced an Olympian in a one mile race,

Becoming an overnight celebrity for your character and personality,

The first time you used the dog door flap – we spent 6 months in a freezing cold house, modifying the internal doors to try and help you deal with this challenge,

The first time you had a proper bone,

The days you played in the garden for hours with Kez as he helped you gain confidence and trust in humans,

The time your ran 16:35 for 5k, which included a poop stop and slow downs....

The day you joined Kade, Kroft, Kez and Kroi at parkrun. The pack of 5”K”s running 5k,

When you caught your first mouse (not nice for me, but you were so proud),

Your “woo, woos” when you were happy,

The day you went to Crufts...

The list is endless as there were so many happy memories, but the biggest and most symbolic memory for me took place in Wales in October 2010. It was only weeks after you joined our pack, and it shocked me so much I almost never acknowledged it. It was the weekend of the Snowdonia Marathon, I was recovering from serious ankle surgery and fearing the prospect of running 26.2 miles. Ian was in front with you on a lead, I came from behind and you recognised me before any of the other dogs. You smiled and came towards me. Maybe this doesn't sound remarkable but this was the first time in your entire life that you'd shown recognition of a human. Recognition that carried with it a smile. Your first smile. The emotion within me was overwhelming and will stay with me until the day I lay my head to rest for the final time.

I also remember the hours and days of frustration trying to connect with you. Trying to earn your trust. The days we had to chase you round the garden just to attach a lead to your collar. Kez always helped, guided you towards us.

I will never forget the patience you taught me as I tried to encourage you to run. Cloaked in the darkness of the pre-dawn you would lay on the ground in fear of gates, trees, shadows – anything you didn't understand. Each time minutes ticked by as we steadily connected and you learned to trust what I asked you to do.

Kez helped you so much. He led you to me on numerous occasions, to show you how good humans can be. He taught you how to run and how to behave around humans. He still suffers with what happened between you and him. In time he will recover, and like me, Kez will remember the fun we all had.

Kroi misses you already. He looked for you this evening,and will look for you for many days to come... He was your friend and play buddy. He does not understand what happened yesterday, but he is strong and will be OK. His scar will fade and we will forget what caused them.

Kade knows that something is different today. He was confused when you returned from the vets many, many months ago smelling so differently. His reaction to you confused you. We could see this as could Kez. Kez tried to protect his old friend Kade, who is weak as a result of age and illness. I don't think you understood Kez's intentions as we did.

Krofti sleeps as I write, but I know he will miss you. He accepted you into the pack from day one and was amazingly tolerant. Turning a blind eye as he saw fit....

Ian grieves for you. You were the first husky puppy that he had the pleasure of living with. You ran together and had fun together. Although reluctant at first you learned to trust Ian. He protected you from yourself, shared pizza and took so many wonderful photographs that we'll keep returning to and remembering those happy times you brought us.

We all fell in love with you. Your attitude, your smiles and your “woo, woos”.

My dream was that we would show the world together just what love, trust, and teamwork can achieve. We were going to run together in the European Canicross Championship in October 2012. I make this promise to you now, in October Kroi and I will run this very race in your memory. With every breath in my body I will strive to bring back a medal for you. You allowed me to believe the dream possible, and the flame burns eternal....

In 2012, the year of the Olympics, we were given the ultimate honour. To carry together the flame on its journey to London, and to the Olympic Games. As a team and in recognition of our achievements and life together we were selected for this honour. I cannot perform this honour on my own.

On Monday a marathon race will be run in your honour. Your were, and are, the mascot of the Kent Roadrunner Marathon, and you will be spoken of greatly on this day. Your spirit will filter through, and every person will think of you at some point during the race.

Ultimately we could not fix the broken bits in your mind. We tried, but the damage was not repairable. I am sorry.

And now I ask one last thing of you. Wherever you are, go find him..... You know who I mean. Find him and he will help you find us again. He will take you to the point where forever and a day you can watch over us....

I will love you forever,

Sandra