A change is as good as a rest?

One week and one day after finshing a race in complete agony. I find myself on the start line of another race. From 100k to 5k. My mind would have previously struggled with the point of putting my trainers on to run for only 5k. Today I am excited, energised and full of enthusiasm. My sole objective for today's race is to run confidently from start to finish. Know no fear as far as my ankle is concerned. The news support has been standing up well to test so far, now to see how it copes with speed and effort....
Very bumpy and eneven grass to start with. For nearly 1k I ran with my eyes glued to the ground, checking out every bump and lump, wanting no surprises, no stumbles. The onto dry mud path, easier to assess the surface but trecherous with all the tree roots and muddy ruts.
I knew I was running close to front of the race, knew that I had just overtaken the lead female. Whilst this did give me a nice feeling of confidence, I was prepared that I could be overtaken later and that was ok. Winning a 5k was not today's objective.
My second objective for the race was to raise my heart rate to a higher level that I ever achieve in training. I still do not know what my maximum heart rate is. Minimum so far recorded is 35bpm, maximum an unknowm and probably will not be determined until I am properly lab tested (lab test is on my long list of "to do's!).
And so back to the race.... Nearly took a wrong turn in my enthusiasm, marshall shouted at me just as I started heading left instead of right after the 4k marker. My breathing was heavy, heart and lungs working hard. Sunglasses steaming up (ahh the perils of loaning my precious Oakleys to someone else), legs and arms pumping hard. Thinking about it... am I allowed to blame poor vision due to "misted over" sunglasses for wrong turns...?
I eased back a little over the final 1k, wanting to ensure that I had something left for the final sprint finsh. Ankle feeling strong, I went for it. Pushed those last few metres and finished the race. First female to cross the line. For me a new experience. Winning a 5k race!
Gulping down lots of water, I waited contentedly for my friend to finish the 10k race. Can one feel contentment if one's heart rate is somewhat excessive? To me it certainly felt like contentment, and also a feeling of hope. A new hope freshly planted within my mind and body.
The offer of a pub lunch was put to me. My immediate thought was how can I have a relaxing dinner before I have a post run shower. Panic set in, being a creature of habit it was not what I do. There is a routine that must be followed. Runners etiquite surely?
But hey, ho, something definitely changing within me as I was persuaded by my friend to go for that pub lunch. And you know what... it was one of the best lunches I have ever had! Valuable lesson learned.

Fall off the horse, get right back on...

By the following day, I was already forming a plan in my mind as to the way forward.
My mind felt so positive and strong,
Back to basics, forget Ultra Running for a while. Let my body rest and ankle recover. Surgery if necessary, try a new support immediately. I would run again. Would run confidently and without fear (that was the worst part of THE race. the fear).
Start with short distances, 5k, 10k, see how it goes.
Immediate phone call to ankle consultant. Appointment made, scan awaits...
Meeting with new sponsor. Two new supports to try. The ones I had my eye on for some time...
As I pulled on the support I felt very apprehensive. Like wearing an open toes boot inside my trainers. Lace up and stap on, the try to fit within a shoe!
But it works. I does not put pressure upon my ankle. Does not force it where it does not want to go. And it feels surprisingly comfortable. So much so that I wore it for a full 12 hours solid as I walked around London City centre (reason why I was there is another story, for another day...).
Running felt good. Wearing the correct trainers, i.e. neutral and NOT supportive, combined with this support and I felt hope in a way that I had not for a while.
Time to put it to the test and attempt a 5k race next Sunday...

Commonwealth Post Mortem

Even before I finished the race I was performing a post portem within my mind. Where/ why did it go wrong.
There is a simple answer. Me - my pig headedness, stubborness and lack of money.
The first thing that the medic told me post race in the first aid tent after I collapsed was that I was wearing the wrong ankle support for my condition. She believed that it was causing me more problems that it was solving. Pushing the joint out of alignment and forcing it to try and preserve my already vulnerable ankle by collapsing.
Had I sought physio treatment for ankle and hip this would probably have been highlighted and I would have been advised to try other types of support. Much like the one I have had my eye on for several weeks but could not afford to buy, and did not want to take a risk do close to THE race.
A new era for Sandra is just about to begin.

The Commonwealth Championships

Where to start....
This was supposed to be THE race. The one where it all came together. Two years of preparation...
Didn't turn out quite as expected. Bit of an anti climax really, but huge and amazingly positive outcomes.
Physical and mental preparation going into this race easily surpassed any before. Rested, relaxed and enthusiastic. Training had been going well, only downfall being my hip niggle and significant ankle problems that have haunted me all year. Only had to hold together for one more race and then time to rest and get that long over due ankle operation.
Being part of the Scottish team and knowing so many people from other competing countries and organisational staff allowed me to truly feel at home all during the weekend in Keswick. So many friends and family there to support me was at times almost overwhelming. Even having the dogs there contributed to this amazing jigsaw puzzle of an experience. The full picture upon it being a big beaming and smiling Sandra!
Having someone there always to help and support me was extremely liberating and made me realise how important help and support is. How much of a difference it can make. I owe a great deal of gratitude to this person. I do not think words alone can express just how it felt to me. Contentment is hard to find, especially under stressful situations such as a race. I felt several waves of contentment during Keswick. Contentment even though it went so wrong. So far off plan. Time 10:22. Collapse at finish. Tears throughought. Scared to run. Fear of putting weight on my ankle. The one thing that I so wished would not let me down.... Did. Can I say that? Can I make that conclusion. Was it the ankle, or was it the mind?
I started the race cautiously, as I always do. Pace myself and allow my body to get into a good rythym by half way.
Food and drink worked well - no upset tums or discomfort. Notes taken for next time...
By 40k I was in trouble. Pain in my ankle that was intermittent, but very intense at its worst. Co-codamol was at the ready and quickly devoured (funny how personal medicinal taking ethics get thrown out the window when it suits..). Then pain went frombad to worse. Ankle started collapsing, giving way on tight bends and uneven surfaces. The tears started, then the panic set it. 60k to go on an ankle that could not take the pounding.
Everytime I passed the drinks station was hell. Seeing family and friend's faces. Them feeling my pain and not knowing what to do. I felt guilty. So guilty for what I was putting them through. I wanted to stop. Wanted to do the "correct sporting"thing. Save myself for another day, another race. Bu the Sandra determination and committment to persevere at all costs shone through. Some choice words from several people reminding me that this was not just any race. This was THE race.
I had to walk. Had to rest my ankle and rest my mind. Do not know how long I walked for, just had to. Broke many rules during the race (re outside assistance, moral support), but I don't think anyone would have disqualified me. Not when I was so far behind all the other runners.
I can feel as I write that I want to get this piece over with quickly. Short sentances, precise words. Not checking phrases, spelling,wording. Just ploughing on to the finish...
I did finish. And I collapsed as soon as I crossed the line. To much effort on body and mind. And apparently overdose of codeine tablets!

My own experience aside, there were some absolutely amazing perfomances during the actual race part of the race. Both male and female winners excelled themselves. Every time they passed me they looked so calm an composed. Strong and tactful running. Impressive to see and experience from the outside. Well done you all. Every who came, saw and conquered whatever battle they had within their mind. Ultra running at its best!!