Finding and losing - what running gives me...

Today we found snow!!

I originally started writing this as a way of a public apology, but then my mind wandered around a little….

Today I did something that I am very ashamed and very embarrassed about.  Today I used bad language when I spoke to someone, very bad language….

He was unfortunately the person that happened to be there when I finally “lost it".

An accumulation of several historical incidents, a confusing past few months and physical pain - today was the day when I finally expressed my anger....

We also found this handsome chap...

I had already been running for several hours, was soaked through, freezing cold and in a lot of pain from a combination of toothache and ankle pain.

So what was his crime?  He had an off lead, out of control dog.  It was not aggressive but it quite blatantly was out of control and totally ignored him when he tried to call it.  I had gone way off the path to keep out of its way, it chased us and it jumped on Kroi as he tried to continue running and ignore it.

My words to him were “you should not let your dog off the lead if you cannot control it”, his words to me were that “this is a field for dogs and dogs to do whatever they wanted and I should run somewhere else if I did not like that”.  My response was “and I bet you don’t pick up its poo either” and then I used a bad word……

I then ran rather quickly after that as he was the sort of person that I would be very scared of if I met in the centre of the City… The sort of person that one could easily imagine carrying some sort of weapon and his face appearing on “Wanted” posters….

The ironic part of this story is that we were actually both trespassing – this field belongs to a farmer and is NOT for general public use, a fact that I will remember and opt for a different route in future.  This field is also the very place that I have so many problems with rude/ aggressive dogs and their owners.  It sits on the outskirts of a rather notorious Council Housing Estate….

Anyway, time to return to the “finding” part of today’s running adventures, too much negativity dealing with the rude Plonker…. 

And look!  We also found something high in the sky....

We found snow, we found fun and we found an ability to make decisions.  Running this morning helped me process some scenarios that I have been contemplating for a long while.  

For too long I have been trying to manage two “careers”, and failing in both (in my opinion).  

Today I made the decision that I never ever believed I would make.  Today I decided to prioritise my “working” career over my “fun” career.  It is a sad decision in many ways, but money does indeed make the world go around, dreams do not.  Today I switch off my dreams and deal with the reality of life.  This is not a sad day, it is a fact day.

I will continue to run, my huskies, my body and my mind need to run, I just will not dream any more…. 

Running with huskies

About to navigate through a field of cows...

What better way to start the day than a four hour cross country run with dogs, even breakfast has to wait sometimes….

It is rare for me to plan a precise route before I head out the door.  I have a rough idea of how long I want to run for, but it matters not where we run or the actual distance we cover.  I have a very good sense of direction and know the Wiltshire/ Hampshire countryside well so have no fears about getting lost, plus the dogs and I have the ability to run for hours and hours on motivation alone…. But as a precaution I take a mobile phone and on the longish runs I take water, Shot Bloks & Clif Bars, just in case…..

I know where all the rivers and sources of water are for the huskies, so I need only take emergency rations for them.

Behave, otherwise I leave you here ;-)

As I was intending on running for several hours I opted to run the dogs in harness, attached to me on a human harness via a double lead – “Cani-cross” style for those familiar with that sport.  Normally I just run them on collars and long leads, which give them more freedom and space to “play” and allow us all to run naturally.  As soon as harnesses go on they jump into work mode, very focussed and keen to do the job that they were bred to do.  The one benefit of harnesses is that I have free hands and can eat, drink and take photographs as we trot along admiring the view….

We headed off Eastwards towards Hampshire, picking up a route that runs alongside the railway line that goes into London.  Meeting several dogs and their owners within the first few miles and I was delighted to find that owners and dogs were very polite, respectful and friendly – very different than some of the people/ dogs that we meet when we run Westwards….  One could assume that it has something to do with country people versus town people…. But I will not make the assumption as I know that there is more to it than that!!

Typical terrain on the route...

I love running with the huskies.  We have run thousands of miles together and spend hours upon hours each week running together.  We know each other well and have the utmost respect for each other’s needs.  I allow them to follow their hunting/ chasing instinct, and take advantage of their enthusiasm to do some impromptu sprint training.  There are always warning signs before the launch forward in hunt mode…. A flick of ears, and stiffening of body, little glances around them… they sense the animal close by and I know before it appears what it will likely be…. It may be a deer, a pheasant, a hare, or something else.  I prepare for the surge forward and when it happens and it is safe to do so, I issue the word “let’s go” and sprint forward with them.  I continue running for a short distance before asking them to slow down and stop.  If it is not safe to run with them, I perform an emergency stop and the animal appears and then disappears as we stand and watch.  

To train a husky to stand and watch “prey” involves a lot of hard work, but it has saved my life on numerous occasions!!  Huskies are very intelligent dogs and don’t just chase animals for the sake of it, they chase to hunt and to kill, when a kill is not possible, they reduce their enthusiasm – me holding them back means no way can they catch a deer, and they know this!!

YAY! We found Clarendon Way..

In return the dogs help me when I need help…. There are times when I need them to either sprint forward (crossing busy roads) or perform an emergency stop or run by my side (treacherous terrain when I am in danger of falling over).  I need them to respond without hesitation, there is no time for thinking or questioning what I am asking them to do.  They know the difference between me asking them to slow down because I am a little scared of running downhill too quickly and when I actually am in danger.  In nearly two decades of running with dogs there have only ever been two occasions of me being in danger and the dogs not responding.  Both times involved rescue dogs that I had not raised since pups…..

There are two demonstrations that stand out for me as brilliant examples of the relationships that I have with the huskies.  The first was during a 30 mile ultra with three huskies – the event involved running up and down Box Hill in Surrey, including running down the infamous steps – have you ever actually counted them?  I think there are 271 in total...  We did it in such a beautifully controlled fashion that I was in tears by the time we reached the bottom, so proud of my “boys” especially as a squirrel appeared at one point….

Buzzard taking off....

The other example was during an ultra on the South West Coastal Path.  Running with only Kez on this occasion, we reached the top of the steps near Lulworth Cove and I froze.  

I was petrified and too scared to go any further.  Since falling while descending a mountain during the World Ultra Trail Championships in 2011 I have become very scared of running down steep descents.  Kez had already climbed down two steps when I froze, but as soon as he realised, he reversed back up them and stood by my side.  He looked up at me and edged forward, before looking back at me.  I followed him down the first step and then the next as he continued forward, looking back at me every few seconds.  

We made it safely to the bottom – without Kez there I would have simply turned around and quit the race.

Anyway, back to our little fun adventure yesterday.  It was only Kez, Kroi and I - Ian had taken Krofti running with him.  Heading East we soon entered Hampshire and were running on trails that I used to run and ride upon many years ago.

We passed the stables where I used to keep my pony and we passed the field where I first learned how to mud ski courtesy of a herd of baby pigs – no pigs live there anymore so we passed through uneventfully…

It was shortly after this point that I started making up the route as I had never before run down the bridleways that we were now on.  

My instinct was correct and by chance our distraction of following the Red Kites also happened to lead us down the correct path back into Wiltshire.  

I wanted to pick up the Clarendon Way and head homewards upon it – we found it rather too easily if I am honest as I had quite liked the idea of pretending we were lost for a little while… would have had to run further!!

Once on the Clarendon Way it was a simple case of following it until we reached Pitton and then head up towards Figsbury Ring.  We had some fun with teenage campers/ hikers along the way, plus some “downtime” chasing mice…..

Safely home after nearly four hours of running and time for a hearty breakfast……

Krofti.... pictures speak a thousand words...

Integral member of the team during the Lightning 12 hour race - love this photo!

Krofti has seen it all, and done it all...

I have spent nearly 12 years with this very special boy.

He has shared his life with 7 other huskies, accepted and helped all of them in some way.

A husky with a fabulous sense of humour and an ability to win over the coldest of hearts...

I have learned so much by watching him and his approach to life....

I love this little guy and I don't think that I am the only one....

Waiting patiently as I "faff"...

Puddle jumping with kids.  Children are his true love :-)

With earned trust, you are allowed certain privileges - walking free in Newborough Forest...

Krofti in "Heaven" - being cuddled by a little person...

Last minute stand in for a friend in need in the European Canicross Championships in Belgium 2010

Fame!! On Belgium television!!

Leading the Winchester kids into the stadium as part of the Track2Track relay...

My most favourite photo - Olympic Torch Bearing husky.... a very worth Kobi stand in :-)

What he does best... sleeping and looking cute...

Protecting Colin - another cute sleeping one...

Pin up boy...;-)

The most special one of them all.... :-)

The day I met Krofti..... less than 24 hours old... I will be with him until the day he falls asleep for the last time..... :-)

(photos courtesy of Ian J Berry, Katie Jarzyna, RTV television, Sandra Bowers)

The boy husky forever in my heart....

Dear Kobi,

This will be the last time that I ever write to you.  I will continue to remember you forever and a day, you live in my heart and that will never change.

So much has happened in this past year.  Every day I have thought of you and every day I have wondered “what if”…. But I know in my heart of hearts that the answer will always be the same.

My last words to you were “go find him” and I choose to believe that you did.  Somehow you found him and now you watch us from above, forever watch us from above.

I will never forget the day we said goodbye.  You somehow knew what was happening and what it meant.  You never questioned as I led you into the car.  For the first time ever you walked in without hesitation.  And as you fell asleep in my arms, you never resisted and never questioned.  You just knew that it was okay because you trusted me.

Loving life!!

Others have judged and others have their opinion.  We know the facts and we made the decision that was best for you.  The most painful decision ever made, but the one that we had to make. Any other decision would have resulted in eternal turmoil and potential pain beyond comprehension.

As I write the tears are rolling down my face, I remember so much and wish so much that it could have been different.  You continue to come to me in my dreams, for that I am eternally grateful.  He brings you to me, my forever protector even in death he continues to help me.

But, I do not want to write to you in a negative mind, so much positive has come out of the past year and it is that I want to share with you.

Do you remember the promise that I made to you?  Well I did it, we saved another and she is now about to begin her new life…..

Her name is Lara and she is another like you, but with a difference….. A little Lady Husky she is, and a little character she most definitely is…. We have worked hard following all that you taught us and as a result we have helped her more than I thought possible.

Creating your own magic

She left us today, to go and live with her new family.  We nearly did not let her go, wanted to keep her here and cuddle her forever…. But then I thought of you and the promise that I made to you. 

She has gone and I return to having only one shadow.  I will miss her terribly as will Ian and all the boy huskies.  It hurts Kobi, just like it hurt when we said goodbye to you.

As this special little Princess leaves us, a baby boy joins us for a few sleepovers before moving onwards to be with his forever family.  He is a little husky puppy and sad circumstances allowed me to enter his life.  I was driven to help him by thoughts of you.  But I hesitated in my actions, thinking I could make good out of his sad situation.  I nearly failed in my quest to help him.  Kez was the one that comforted me as I wept by the roadside thinking I was too late… 

But my belief was indeed true and "good" triumphed over "bad".  For a short while this little baby will be welcomed into our home and nurtured by the “K” Pack.  He now has a bright smiling future ahead of him, thanks to you.

Biggest tongue competition...

Krofti, Kez and Kroi send you their love.  They have forgotten the stuff that I also choose to forget.  Their little scars are reminders of our life together, nothing more and nothing less.

Kade left us shortly after you did, but I believe you know that already.  The One I sent you to find was his father and my forever protector.

So where ever you are, I just wanted to say that I think of you every day and I thank you for all that you gave and continue to give.  I wish it could have ended differently, but I accept that for so many reasons, it had to end as it did.

For one year I have slept above all that remains of your precious husky form. I have in that time fulfilled my promise to you and saved another.

Do you remember that you and I were to carry the Olympic Flame together?  I have never forgotten.  Kobi, my little Olympic Spirit you will rest forever in the very place where I carried the Olympic Flame in your memory.

And in a strange twist of fate… do you remember when I used to hold you and dream of finding your mum?  Well, I may have found her now.  If it is her, she is well and she is safe.  She endured a lot of suffering but others stepped in and helped save her and now she needs worry no more.  I will never be able to prove that she gave birth to you, but I choose to believe that this is your birth mum.  I have seen a photo of her and she reminds me so much of you….

The overall female course record (with huskies...)

And do you remember how you taught me to run very quickly?  You, me and the two brothers?  Well we continued running quickly in your memory and were rewarded by achieving the overall female course record at parkrun.  It has since been deleted from official records, but we do have the memories, plus a little keepsake...

The sub 4 minute mile moves ever closer, another dream for us to chase....

Taking a bow after our 12 hour run

My forever protector, his son (Kade) and grandson (Krofti)

I will continue to dream of “Kobi’s Legacy”, where together you, Ian and the “K” Pack help huskies and children alike.  Help them learn to love life through running and all that it brings.  We have made progress, but asking people for money is the hardest part and I haven’t quite mastered that art.  Until then we will continue to give as we can.

My Dear Kobi, I bid you farewell.

I love you, forever and a day.

Sandra xx

(Photos courtesy of Ian J Berry & Linda Green)