10 days of rest and still smiling

It is now 10 day since I last ran.  For someone that normally runs at least once per day this has been very difficult.  Yes, I know all the train hard and recover philosophies and do abide by them, but my rest/ recovery days normally involve a very gentle jog or two.  I love to run, love the freedom that it gives me and the experiences that I have when I run.  I love the countryside and all its inhabitants, especially the ones that one meets during dawn runs.  

I normally run with Siberian Huskies, the epitome of endurance athletes who care not about medals or prizes or whether they are fat or not.  They run because they love to run, just like me.

Ten days ago I had surgery on my ankle and I am neither able, nor allowed to run.  I agreed to the operation because the daily pain had become too much to manage.  Hobbling every day was becoming troublesome and I needed to plan for the future.  This plan involved corrective action to halt deterioration of my ankle joint and also to correct all the over compensation injuries that I have experienced as a result of my body’s adaptation to 20 odd years of managing a chronic weakness.

My ankle was very badly damaged when I was 13 years old.  Due to an incorrect diagnosis it was not treated properly at the time and it was not until many years later that the full extent of the damage and subsequent deterioration within the joint was known.  In summary I smashed the joint and cut of the blood supply within the talus bone.  Without blood and all that it carries, the body cannot regenerate and cannot repair itself.

But such is life.  With a damaged joint I have led a very privileged life.  I have run thousands of miles on this deformed ankle, run for my country and represented Great Britain.  I have run 100 miles in one go and run a mile in 4 minutes and 13 seconds with assistance from my awesome Siberian Huskies team.   All this has been possible thanks to the support of the people that I love and an inspirational Orthopaedic Surgeon.  They helped me believe in myself and in return I believed in me.

So here I am, ten days into an enforced rest that I agreed to.  The operation involved debridement and micro-fracturing, which in simple terms means drilling into the bone to make it bleed, fill the crater within, the blood helps repair the bone and create fibrocartilage, which although it is not as good as original hyaline cartilage it does provide a greater improved function for the affected joint.  A bit like a volcanic eruption and then the magma settles.  You cannot stand on the magma until it cools as it will crack and hurt!  So I cannot weight bear on my ankle at all for four weeks and then for 2-3 months I can only walk on it with the aid of cast/ boot and crutches.

The first week post operation was about pain management and acceptance of my physical limitations.  Acceptance that I am temporarily disabled and need help, I cannot manage on my own.  That bit has been the hardest.  I am fiercely independent and I find it hard to ask for help.  Thankfully Ian is the most amazing and supportive partner and is always there when I need help.  Pre operation once of my greatest concerns was how the dogs would cope with the situation.  Ian does run, but preferably not pre-dawn and not off road, two essential requirements when running with Siberian Huskies.  I would be exaggerating if I said Ian now leaps out of bed every morning and dashes out the door with a smile upon his face!  But he has run with the dogs most days and they are as content as I have ever seen them.  They are very happy with the fact that I am at home more and appear to understand my situation.  They are very respectful every time I move and have become even more affectionate than ever, especially the boss dude who is almost always by my side, wherever I am.

I work for an amazing company that have been very supportive and I have managed to do a little work post op - thankfully my Doctor was very obliging regarding the official H&S stuff when I explained my desire to continue working in my “restricted” and post op condition.

So how am I coping with the non-running bit?  I set myself some physical challenges each day and try to relate them to running.  I try to go further every day on my crutches and in my wheel chair.  Push myself to the point beyond where I went the day before.  Self-propelling a wheel chair and using crutches is hard, very hard.  It hurts muscles I have not used in years and muscles that one never uses when running.  I am so weak in the upper body that I am currently nowhere near a cardio vascular work out yet.  But when I get frustrated about this aspect I remember the nurse that spoke to me when I was in the recovery room following my recovery.  My resting heart rate was 35, so I guess I am not unfit, just under prepared J

But I have learned one thing in the past ten days that has saddened me.  Life as a disabled person is tougher that I could have ever imagined.  From the physical restrictions of pavements and shops to the attitudes of strangers when one is out and about.   I guess it is ignorance rather than intentional rude behaviour, but it is hard not to be reduced to tears by it.  When did humans get so engrossed in their own worlds that we neglected to consider the implications of our actions on others?  I implicate myself in this question because I am sure that I have in the past been as guilty as the next person.  Although I personally would never allow one of our dogs to jump up at a person on crutches, throwing them off balance, and consider it okay.

Another thing that I have learned, or rather been reminded of in this past week or so…. Beer is a more effective pain reliever than codeine.  For two days I was crippled with stomach pain taking the conventional drugs, when I reverted to my favourite beer, the pain disappeared and inspirational thoughts came forth….

Oh yes, I may be unable to run just now, but I can still dream and dreams are what propel us forward….