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| Just a flesh wound... Let's go running!! |
When I was 13 years old I sustained an injury that ultimately
would help me to live dreams beyond my wildest aspirations and also live
nightmares beyond my wildest fears….
As a result of the injury I learned how to manage extreme pain. I also taught myself to never give up and when it hurts dig deeper. Conventional advice is that when you feel pain, stop. If I stopped every time I felt pain then I would never leave my bed. I would just lie there and feel sorry for myself. But that is not who I am. Rightly or wrongly I do not stop when I feel pain and my body just has to manage the decision that my mind has made.
This strategy has worked well for me for most of my
life. Without it I would not have achieved
all that I have, both professionally and personally. I would never have run ultras, represented
Great Britain at World Championship events and I certainly would have never run
a mile in 4 minutes and 13 seconds.
But sometimes I get it wrong.
After almost a lifetime of managing the pain and weakness in
my left ankle, my right foot started objecting with a vengeance just over one
year ago. I was referred to a brilliant consultant
who wanted to help me alleviate the “new” pain by fitting nuts and bolts in my
right foot. He wanted to help the foot
that had coped with the strain of compensating for a poorly left ankle across thousands
of miles. I considered the options, the
prognosis and the consequences of undergoing the surgery.
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| The best we got, so far... |
While this was going on I commenced my sub 4 minute mile
quest in earnest. Knowing that Spike was
running out of time I became focussed on achieving the seemingly impossible
while he could be a part of the team. Regularly
running sub 4:20s on an undulating and semi technical course we were very close
and the next step was to find a fast course and “go for it”. Then I sustained a relatively minor injury to my left knee that changed my bio mechanics and affected my running style. As I tried to adapt to my new running style the
pain in my “good” foot increased and I tried to ignore it and run through the
pain.
And then nearly four weeks ago the pain suddenly intensified
and I found myself unable to fully weight bear.
Running ground to a halt and walking became a strange hobbling gait
trying to avoid any pressure on my big toe.
I contacted the doctor and he confidently prescribed drugs to allow me
to “continue a normal life”. I do not
like taking drugs, but was so desperate to ease the pain that I agreed and to
my delight, they did indeed help make the pain more manageable and limping
became easier. But there were a few consequences of taking
the drugs and I chose to stop taking them.
I also did not feel comfortable trying to ignore the fact that something
“bad” was clearly happening in my foot.
Instead I opted for a combination of crutches and heavy limping to try
and maintain a “normal” life.
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| Yes, beer does work better than prescription drugs |
I was given a CAM Walker Boot by a good friend and suddenly
I could sort of walk again! In my world
it was Heaven.
The pain eased a little, but then quite literally overnight the
location of the pain changed. I woke up
at 2 am to visit the bathroom one morning and as I stepped out of bed the pain
intensified, this time on the top of my foot near the ankle joint.
I contacted the Doctor again and he arranged to see me. His diagnosis was overcompensation injury
caused by limping. A change in prescription
drugs and he would see me in a month’s time….
But the pain was still there and two weeks ago it suddenly
intensified furthermore. I contacted the
doctor and he told me to persevere with the drugs and if it did not improve in
a week he would arrange an x-ray.
2 days later and unable to manage the pain any longer, I called
the Doctor again and he agreed to refer me for an x-ray at A&E in order to
rule out a fracture.
Sadly the second part did not happen. Two fractures were confirmed on the x-ray:
one in the big toe joint and one in the shaft of the second metatarsal, near to
the top.
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| Crutches & boots, my new World for now.. |
The Hospital Doctor wanted to put all of my lower leg in
cast, I was almost tempted to agree to a pretty red and black one, but then I
remembered the consequences of wearing a cast for a long time…..
Ian helped me convince the Doctor at the Hospital that I
could wear my CAM Walking Boot and crutches instead of a permanent cast. We produced a good team effort argument and she
agreed to our proposal and signed me over to the care of the Orthopaedic
Consultant that knows me and wants to help.
Any why was I so desperate to have a removable cast? In the past three weeks I have discovered the
wonderful delights of aqua jogging and water therapy for pain relief. Spike inspired me to give it a go and it
works. It helps with pain management and
I can also exert myself without causing damage to any part of my body. OK not strictly true as I do forget to hold
my breath every now and again and it hurts my nose when a wave of water goes up
it!
I will not lie or pretend that my current situation is easy
to cope with. I cannot walk without fear;
drive; work normally; exercise the dogs or even go to the bathroom without
having to plan for it. Do I crawl, limp
or strap on my boot? Everything has to
be managed differently and it is extremely frustrating. Ian is working so hard to help and it is
difficult for me to accept this as he already has way too much to manage, but I
guess that is why team work is so important.
Without his help my World would be a very dark place. The dogs have also been amazing. They know something is wrong and two of them have
become extremely protective over me.
After thousands of miles of running together they both know me very well
and it is comforting to see how they respond when I am suddenly incapacitated
and struggle to give them their basic needs.
I do not know what the future holds for me from a running
perspective. I have always known that I
was on borrowed time when I learned of the extent of the damage within my ankle
and I have certainly already borrowed more than was due to me!! This latest setback may be impossible to overcome
in the way that I want to. But whatever
the future holds I make one promise to myself.
I will never give up on my dreams, well not the important ones anyway.
(Photos and motivation with grateful thanks to Ian J Berry)
