Finally, the day had arrived for me to realise another dream. To run the “Drovers” leg of WCR, starting in Builth Wells and climbing all the way to Drovers Arms. 10.8 miles of mostly ascent. A leg loved by many and feared by many. When supporting the team several years ago I fell in love with the idea of running this leg. The dream was further compounded when I ran up the same mountain, in 2011, that time off road, in the mud and with Kez. I remember standing at the summit, admiring the view tears flowing down my face as I told Kez that one day I would live the dream of running “Drovers”.....
I ignored the pre race warning signs related to pain in my ankle and in my knee, put them down to uncomfortable travel and sleeping arrangements the previous night (note to one's self, three huskies and two humans do not fit well on a bed!!). Also too much time on my feet in the preceding days and not enough rest, but nothing to really worry about......
Mile 1 - oops over compensating as a runner cut in front of me, I felt my knee and outside of my left leg straining to protect the ankle.
Mile 2 – pain starts on the outside of my left calf, knee pain starts easing.
Mile 3 – further pain on outside of my calf, all down my left leg now feeling uncomfortable. Knee pain gone.
Mile 4 – time to start complaining to supporters. Somehow wishing that they would be able to offer a miracle cure.
Mile 5 – more complaining and the offer of a lift.... stupidly I refused and thought that it was a good idea to continue. Shortly afterwards I started feeling discomfort directly within my ankle joint.
Mile 6 – finally got to see Ian and the huskies. He offered me some drinks. I offered him some words of complaint as I came to a standstill. I think I was hoping that I would suddenly be needed to deal with a dog situation and therefore it would not be possible for me to continue running, priorities and all... Sadly the dogs just looked at me as if to say “well go on then, do you not have a job to do..?”
Mile 7, 8 – the tears came free flowing as the pain became stronger within my ankle. As the ascent got steeper, I was unable to flex my ankle in the way that one needs to when running up a hill, mostly this was due to the restrictions of the ankle brace that I had chosen to wear.
7 years in denial, years of pain and frustration, I was finally ready to admit that I am indeed a cripple. I should have listened to that Doctor and paid heed to his words. He was right, I am a cripple, I cannot go through a day without pain in my ankle. Yes I can run, but every day I limp, not normally when I am running, it is usually when I first stand up, when I walk down stairs or if I drive a non automatic car. Sometimes it just hurts as I rest. Why pretend I am something that I am not.
Ian and all the WADAC supporters were brilliant, offering me words of support as I trundled on. I refused to stop and I refused to walk. I tried to admire the view as I ran further up the mountain road, sadly I saw the view, but could not feel its beauty, my mind so overcome with negativity.
Ian suggested that I took off the ankle brace. I ignored him. I didn't want to stop for fear of collapsing as my brain was a little foggy from my focussed concentration and the drugs (all legal in case you wondered).
One mile to go – I saw the sign that told me so, located right at the point where the ascent suddenly became a descent. And it was at precisely this point that the ankle collapsed. The good news was that the knee, calf and thigh pain completely disappeared, meaning that all I had to do was lock my ankle joint and use my right leg to do all the work as my left leg limped, merely following through on the running motion that I tried to impose on it, no power, just stability as I did not think I could manage to hop the rest of the way to the finish!!
At the finish I sort of threw myself to the ground, more in relief rather than fainting or anything more serious. The concentration required to run in considerable pain places a lot of stress on the mind and the best way to switch it off is just to drop to the ground and relax.
Thanks to everyone for their support during and after the race. Jen in particular for her comforting hug and words of support.
Tomorrow is a new day and there is more that I can try to manage my pain and my mind, no need to give up yet. After all, I do have a reputation to maintain.....;-)
(Photo courtesy of Michaela McCallum)
(Photo courtesy of Michaela McCallum)
