He taught me how to run, and how to live life....

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.....”

Written in memory of a very special dog, the first of a kind....

I remember exactly where I was when I heard of his birth. It was 5:09pm on 30^th January, 1999. I was in a car park, on my way to do some shopping in Marks & Spencer, in Andover town centre.


He entered this world with five others, the first born litter of Kai and Jazz. A black and white husky, with bright blue eyes, my dream had only just begun....


For several months preceding his birth, I had deliberated as to what name I would bestow upon such a precious little puppy. Pages and pages of names beginning with the letter “K” (to follow in his father's name...) were written. And yet it was by mere chance that I stumbled across the name I chose to give him, a name that was to ultimately transpire to be far more significant than I could possibly have imagined...


I chose the name “Kade”, after I heard its sound, whilst watching a television programme called First Wave. The main character in the television series was called Cade Foster. Cade was short for Kincaid, and he was a character that discovered previously unknown quatrains of Nostradamus, which tells of three waves that will destroy the plane unless the “twice blessed man” can stop them...


Kade did not exactly save the planet, but he definitely helped save me! Kade was fundamental in helping me escape from my mind demons and into the fabulous world that awaits those that run purely for fun. As we ran together for hours and hours across the Hampshire countryside, he helped me create dreams that one day I would actually live.


Kade taught me how to run. To run and to enjoy. The sheer pleasure on his face as he ran was infectious indeed. I could do nothing but follow him in body and in mind....


Kade was also the first of a kind in the UK. Before “canicross” became the phenomenon that it now is, Kade and I ran together as a formidable team. Running together we beat male and female alike, earning a reputation, which to this day still stands strong. A Canadian facebook page even has a picture of him and I in one of our first ever CaniX races as their profile picture...


The sweetest of character, I never once saw him show any aggression. He wanted to be everyone's friend, but accepted that not every dog wanted to be his friend. Kai and Kade had a phenomenally strong bond from the minute they met, and for all of his life, his father protected him from all threats. One time a large male Alaskan Malamute decided that Kade was an easy target.... It took me and Kai to deal with the dog. I received bruises and grazes, Kai received puncture wounds through ears and neck. But we saved Kade from serious harm, and for many years that was how we lived, Kai, Kade and I, each looking out for the other. Meiko and Zep also lived in our pack at this time, happy days, I remember them well.


Many years later Krofti came along, followed by Kez. We grew as a pack, many adventures and experiences were had. Then Ian came along, a fellow human to share the pack with.


Kobi joined us some time after, the following year Kroi was the final addition to date.....


So many dogs, Kade taught all of them how to run. The master became the teacher, without him my job would have been so much harder. He guided them safely round courses, gently encouraging them whenever they needed a helping hand.


At only nine months of age, he was leading a four dog sled team, pulling a wheeled rig through forest tracks in the New Forest, Exmoor, Grimsthorpe... the list went on. We were not usually the fastest, but we excelled on the technical courses - he once led a six dog team to victory in a SHCGB rally after all the faster teams either lost dogs or lost the route!


And I will never forget his showing career. Two challenge certificates, best puppy dog at Crufts, and numerous other successes. An absolute delight to take into the show ring as he glided round with such awesome presence and beauty.

Most that met him were affected in a very positive way, with the exception of the mice and shrews that he excelled in hunting......


I could continue writing for hours, but no written tribute would ever do this boy justice. His zest for life, his attitude, his behaviour... all of which were exemplary. We shared a lifetime, his lifetime, and I will continue for the rest of my life thinking of him and our happy times together.


To say goodbye to such a special boy has been very hard. When his father passed away, Kade lost the sparkle from his eyes and his health declined dramatically. He struggled on, refusing to give in to his weakening body. It was only a few weeks ago that he stopped running, legs suddenly no longer able to go faster than a very slow walk. From that point forth, the decline in his health was rapid.


Kade's running legacy will live on in all that I do and aspire to be. His pack will continue in the way that he taught them to be.


As my heart breaks and the tears fall freely, I console myself in the belief that Kade finally gets to spend eternity with his father and the woo, woo dog. All running free over the rainbow bridge.


Forever and a day they will watch over us, and forever and a day I will think of all of them.

“Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.”

Teaching a young dog new tricks: "The Brutal" way...

Today I made a terrible mistake.

Fortunately the error of my misjudgement did not have disastrous consequences. I have a very bruised and battered body, but nothing that will not heal within a few days. I will however learn the lessons well, and do something different the next time...

“The Brutal Race” - the very name conjures up an image of a race that may well be quite hard. Having had a look at the pre race photographs I accepted this. There were huge bogs and puddles (up to one's armpits) en route. Not a fast course, but one which could be run with dogs and at 10k, was a little bit more of a test than the normal Saturday morning speed training session achieved at parkrun.

Having never run through bogs or large puddles with Kez and Kroi I was fully aware that it would be a test for us all, a true test of their trust in me. My gut feeling told me that all would be well and they would do exactly as I asked.

It was also Kroi's first ever race in the company of several other dogs, and a very excitable mass started.

We started 10 minutes before the mass “human only” runners. On the start line I made the decision to start from the front, something (in a dog running race) we have never done before. I worked well and we started as expected, immediately stepping clear of all the other runners. Both dogs running well and instantly responded when I asked them to slow down – they are used to running 5 minute mile pace from the line, which was completely unnecessary for this run.

All went well, until we reached the first downhill section.....

A sharp steep descent, down a sandy gully, before opening up to a further downhill section with loose rocks underfoot. It was at this moment in time that I realised my huge mistake.....

Kroi has been trained to pull when he wears a harness. When on collar and lead he knows to run free and either up front or by my side. He has been trained to “race” when wearing a neckline. He does not know any differently. He does not understand what happens to me when I am forced to recklessly run down hill. Does not know that every out of control stride could cause damage to my ankle that could ultimately end my life as a runner. He does not know this and never will. He will learn to understand what my fear means and react to it, just as Kez has learned, but that will take time.

Had I fully appreciated the danger of today's run I would have run solo with Kez. We would have finished significantly quicker as we would have been able to run down all the hills, Kez would have run by my side whenever I needed him to.

I did manage to stay upright for the full 10k, and I have not done any permanent damage to my ankle. I admit that I do have bruises and cuts on legs and arms, from where I learned to hug trees. Hugging trees is almost as effective as having brakes on a nitrous oxide fuelled Supra...

It was my slowest ever 10k and the first time I have run the dogs in harness when they have not been focused and bounding. They were confused and I was scared. We slowed to a trot, and even walked large sections. They became distracted and unfocussed, unsure of what was expected of them.

However, I also learned today that I already have an amazing bond with Kroi and also saw further evidence of the close connection that the two brothers have.......

When we reached the bogs and the puddles, Kroi listened to my every word and did exactly as I asked. Kez offered assistance when he hesitated, and Kroi responded by following his big brother's lead. They ran through all the puddles, until we reached the one that was to deep to find the bottom....

I stumbled into the murky depths and felt resistance around my leg. Kroi had suddenly panicked, having never been in water where his feet could not touch the ground and had wrapped his front legs around my right leg, holding on and becoming very fearful. I grabbed his harness and lifted him up, giving him support and confidence to kick his legs. And kick he did, and suddenly he was swimming. I only had to temporarily offer him help and guidance and he knew what to do.

After that, Kroi grew more confident and surged forward into every puddle. The second to last puddle was the most impressive as I did not think it was possible for a human and two dogs to pass through such a deep watery section at the speed we did. The cheer from the banks was recognition enough of our achievement, and I am optimistic that the official photographer managed to capture it on film.

I also noticed that on the second lap of this two lap course, Kroi responded better to me on the downhill sections, easing his pulling power and looking back at me frequently. This was particularly noticeable as I had slowed further more due to an overwhelming fear for the safety of my ankle. He also responded well to my requests to go past the distraction of other dogs and people with cameras! In such a short time he had already learned more than would have been achievable through several weeks of training.

After today's run, my bond with Kroi has now deepened further more. As I write he has just walked up to me and “handed” me the remains of his bone, which he no longer wants. His great, great, great, great grandfather used to do this as he wanted me to protect his bone from the other dogs. I am delighted to help him, it is the least that I can do. And when we went on our evening run an “on by” from me was all that was needed for him to pass several dogs without even breaking stride.

I am grateful to Sam for her tolerance to my incessant shouting “no”, “steady”, “stay”, “leave” and to Chilli for his acceptance of Kroi's naughty behaviour.

And also to Ian for his never ending support, mostly to the detriment of his own plans and thoughts.

Not forgetting my fellow runners and the organisers of the Brutal Race.

I would love to say that I will return for more, but for now I have some work to do with a puppy that has two very special missions in the next 6 months. And watching my video footage from our run, there are several things that I have learned about both dogs and how I can work better with them when we are running together as a team......

Marlborough Downs Challenge: leaving my heart & mind at home....

Long distance running requires heart and mind to work together. Leave either one at home and the effort required to run becomes a momentous and torturous affair.

On Saturday I forgot to pack both my heart and mind and in doing so questioned my ability as a successful ultra runner.....

Marlborough Downs Challenge, a 33 mile run across the beautiful Wiltshire countryside. It was my first ever ultra distance run several years ago, and I have always remembered it with very fond memories. The first time I ran this race the rain was incessant for the majority of the run. I have never been so cold or so wet in any race that I have ever run. On that day, my Camelbak rubbed a hole in my shoulder that resulted in a scar, which remains with me to this day. A scar that I smile at every time I saw it, memories of a proud achievement and the start of my journey into the world of ultra running.....

My plan for running it in 2012 was quite simply to enjoy the run and to trial my new Rehband ankle brace in a distance further than 10k.

The good news is that my ankle brace stood up to the challenge very well, and my ankle did not cause me hugely significant problems until after I had finished the run.

The bad news is that this was one run that I definitely did not enjoy. This frustrates me more than any of the physical pain my ankle frequently throws at me. Running to me is not about times or placings, it is about the emotional success and enjoyment of the journey. The sheer pleasure at pushing one's body and feeling it respond. Taking inspiration from my surroundings and connecting deeply with my innermost thoughts. Body and mind working in harmony to give me what I frequently lose in the whirlwind that is life.

It is unusual these days for me to attend an ultra event on my own, without Ian and without the dogs. Leaving them at home and feeling immense sadness as I drove to Marlborough should have been a warning sign that my run was not going to be the happiest......

Seeing friends on the start line and along the course gave me flashes of happiness, always good to connect with a fellow being, whether it be another runner or a marshal giving up hours of their time to help and support the runners. The marshals on this race are particularly friendly and happy people, I remember this from years gone by and was delighted to see that it still remains the same in 2012.

Trudging through the mud in the first 6 miles, I was glad that I had opted for my Fuji Attacks, providing just enough grip to keep me upright and allow me to jump from one side of the track to the other in search of sold ground. My tumble later in the race was solely down to my indecision. A last minute change of course resulted in me leaving my left foot behind and down I went....

It usually takes me at least 6 miles to “get into” a run and so I was not too worried the fact that I was struggling and ready to quit at the second checkpoint. Have a gel, relax on the uphill and before long I would be flying, inspired and motivated, or so I hoped.

Didn't happen. No flying moment and no happy butterflies fluttering within my belly. Just a dull ache in my ankle, my knee and my stomach. Not sure what I eat the day before, but best I try to remember and avoid it in the future.

Reaching the canal section around 12 miles, I was losing the fight to continue. Everything felt wrong in my body, no energy, no spark and no desire. As I ran along the canal path I remembered Country to Capital 45 and the emotional journey that I endured. I was supposed to run Country to Capital with Kez. I did not as he was badly injured following the attack. I remembered how we nearly lost Kez and then I remembered all that came before and after the attack. Of how the “woo, woo” dog no longer lives amongst us and how much I miss him. The tears were flowing as I ran along the canal and I came very close to stopping at each point where a path led from the canal. Just keep plodding I told myself, just get to the next checkpoint....

And I did make it to the next checkpoint, where I received the most welcoming smile and words of enthusiasm from one of the marshals. He recognised me and told me how nice it was that I had come back to run the race. I do not remember his name, but I remember his face and that we had spoken before. I will forever remember his saving words. He had no idea that I was considering quitting, but his very personal words were all it took to stop me quitting there and then. I couldn't let him down....

I managed to eat some food as the route exited Devizes, chocolate spread and soft squidgy rolls consumed during a leisurely walk up a little hill. I willed the essential nutrition to remain with me and give me the energy that I needed.

I was finding that any running pace required a phenomenal amount of effort. My breathing felt uncomfortable, my chest tight and my nose would not stop running - it was the only part of me that seemed to be capable or running at a consistent pace!

I thought a lot about Kobi and all the other dogs. I thought of Ian, back home working after hopefully running another parkrun on his way to his much sought after 100 club jacket.

But mostly I thought of Kade. Kade's life force is ebbing away. Every day he weakens and every day we fear tomorrow may be his last. He struggles on in his fight with age, and we give him all we can to help his fight. But it is a battle that ultimately has only one outcome and we are the ones that will need to help him. Kade has been such an amazing little person his entire life. From the day we first met he captured my heart and held onto it very tightly. He taught me so much of what I know about endurance running and never giving up. He taught me to run when others would have walked, he helped me understand and interpret sounds and sights in the countryside. A brilliant little hunter I was forever marvelling at his skills of knowing precisely where to pounce in the patch of grass to the side of the track. I was forever trying to be one step ahead of him, to ensure he had his fun but with no loss of mouse or shrew life.....

Kade has always refused to give up on something once his mind is set upon it. Every time I thought of Kade, I dug deeper and remembered. No way was I giving up on this run. No matter what it took, I would get to the finish at Marlborough Leisure centre. Even when I had to resort to walking on flat sections to prevent valuable nutrition from escaping, I refused to contemplate the dreaded DNF.

Upon reaching Avebury, I anticipated inspiration and motivation. The finish line of the Ridgeway Challenge, surely it would give me the kick that I needed.....

Not so. I reached Avebury and there was nothing. The Ridgeway Dream disappeared in a cloud of smoke, just like a candle blown out by the wind. I was so wrapped up in my internal demons that the dream world was unattainable. If I cannot comfortable run 33 miles, how can I possible even consider running 85 miles, never mind run it in under 16 hours.

Overcome with a sense of failure and inability to achieve my own goals and dreams, I crawled up the hill out of Avebury. Desperately fighting the urge to stop and have a little snooze on the grass at the side of the track, the tears flowed again and I was overcome with very negative thoughts. The small incline felt more like a mountain and my breathing as I walked felt so uncomfortable that I thought oxygen would be required by the time I reached the top.

I was rewarded for my mountainous effort. The top of the hill was also something else....

I found myself standing on The Ridgeway. Turn left and I would be heading to Ivanhoe Beacon and the start of The Ridgeway, turn right and within 1.8 miles I would reach the end of The Ridgeway. Continuing on the correct route for today's event would take me off The Ridgeway and across Fyfield Down, towards the finish approximately 5 miles away.

I stood still for a few moments and tried desperately to feel the dream.....

I would love to say that this story had a happy ending – that I found deep inspiration, leapt forward and “sprinted” all the way to the finish..... Sadly I tried to do this, but it didn't quite happen that way. My normal effortless running continued to evade me, yes I picked up the pace and I ran my fastest miles of the entire run, but they were hard and uncomfortable and not how I normally run in the latter section of a run. However, what did happen was indeed a reality check....

33 miles with a sore knee, sore ankle, upset stomach, nausea, breathing difficulties, constantly running nose...... perhaps the facts in front of me should not be ignored....

Perhaps my ultra running days are not quite over!!

Written with gratitude to all the marshals, and runners that helped me along the way. To Mark, Pete, Martin, and Kate for their words of support. To Bryony for my life saving milkshake and cup of coffee and to Kirsty for her hug and amazing words and ideas of support... And to all the others that helped me survive a bad run and remember who and what I am....

(Photo of Cherhill White Horse kindly reproduced thanks Sw8 & Wikipedia)

The new Olympic Dream: Kobi's Legacy

How can I relive the feeling that I originally felt when I first heard that I had been nominated to carry the Olympic Torch. And then the overwhelming happiness and pride when I was offered a position on the Olympic Torch Relay.

This all changed with the loss of Kobi, my fellow nominee.

How can I turn the tide and overcome the sea of overwhelming sadness at the propsect of participating in the Olympic Torch Relay without Kobi.

How can I turn it into a an experience where I feel immense happiness, pride and delight at carrying such a precious item and being part of such a symbolic event? How am I going to feel the fire burning in my belly as the fire in my hand glows, the Olympic Flame moving closer to its destination in the Olympic Stadium and the start of the 2012 Olympic Games.....

Dreams propel us into action, they give us a purpose and they give us hope.  Create a dream, build a dream and live the dream...

I have been dreaming a very special dream for some time, many hours of thought has gone into it.  Tears, anger and frustration every time I heard a story involving children or dogs suffering through abuse or neglect.  Children and dogs never knowing what it feels like to be loved and to love in return.  Years of pain and wishing that I could make a difference.  "I dreamed a dream of life one day....."

A few years ago I created a X100 Run, which was the start of the dream.  The original intention was to raise money for charity by forcing myself to do things that I found very hard.  I achieved my own challenge of the X100 Run, but I never asked for any money for charity.  I did not fulfil nor live the full dream.

I have never run an individual race for charity.  I did not want to just race a few pounds and merely pay lip service to it.  But I have always wanted to choose a charity and raise a huge amount of money to help others.

I have held off until now for several reasons. I feel uncomfortable asking for money without giving something in return and I wanted to give people something big! To ask for money is very hard indeed, to trade favours is easy, but asking for people's hard earned cash is another matter entirely.  Plus I needed something symbolic to kick start the campaign.

I have recently become very aware of the huge number of people that read this blog. If every person that had ever read this blog was to donate one pound to charity, I would be able save the life of a huge number of children and dogs. It is that simple. One pound can make a difference. Add together all those pounds, or dollars, Euros etc and they quite literally make many thousands!

But, I am not simply planning on running one race for charity, I want it to go much further than that and to involve other people, many of them with their dogs....

• Doggie JOGLE took a back seat recently, due to a variety of reasons. It remains firmly in my mind and in my plans.  And I love the fact that many people can be involved in this challenge. 
• With Kez and Kroi I want to run a one mile distance as fast as my legs will run. It will be fast, possibly faster than most people are guessing....
• In 2012 I will run my last ever 100k race on tarmac. It will be one of the hardest races I will ever  run...
• I want to run a course record on a very special course that I hold true to my heart. A famous trail with huge historical significance.  I want to run a time that will stand for some time...
• I want to show that pet dogs trained on love and respect can make the most awesome “racing” partners....
• There are others, but for now I just want to set the scene...

I want to raise a huge amount of money for charity.... Money that will make a difference to the lives of others. I want this money to be raised in Kobi's memory. A very special dog that should be remembered for his attitude and his determination to succeed in all that life threw at him. My time with Kobi taught me a lot and it is only fair that I share.

I want to set up some sort of fund/ charity in commemoration of Kobi.

Kobi's Legacy sounds like a good name. I want any money raised to be shared with children in need and with dogs in need.

Kobi suffered immensely before he was rescued, I want to stop suffering like his. I alone cannot do this and it will take time, effort and education before it will stop.  Together we can make a difference.

Kobi was fearful of adult humans, yet he did not fear young children. Children were not a threat.  Children understood his body language, shyness and fear. Kobi in return could read their body language, understand and connect with them. Adults sometimes forget the simple things in life, the basic subtleness of the human body as it tries to communicate with other fellow human beings. Adults can be intimidating with their forceful words and actions. Many have forgotten how to interpret behaviour of another being or creature and adapt accordingly.  They do not realise the affect that their behaviour is having on the other being.  Children and dogs understand, they follow their instincts...

I will never forget Christmas in Scotland, 2010. I watched my young nephew communicate with a petrified dog in a way no other person could. He reacted to Kobi's fears in such a subtle way that no one else noticed. He gave Kobi exactly what he needed at that moment in time and for that I am eternally grateful. I will never forget. No words were ever spoken between child and dog, just reassuring gestures based upon an unspoken understanding from a child.  I watched and I learned...

We returned from Scotland with a dog that was prepared to try and understand me, and I him.....

I will continue with my plans and with my intentions to make a difference. More work is required as this is one project that I intend to fully plan and to succeed. If you can offer any help or advice on how to sort out the money side of things,  I would be extremely grateful.  I can dream, I can run and I can get the best from dogs, but I am rubbish at asking for help and anything financially related! The best email is huskies@art-gecko.com

In the meantime, the planning and dreaming continues, but the sea may well have turned.  Today, for the first time in over a month, as I thought of fire in my hand, I felt fire in my belly at the same time....

The Olympic Dream: The need to create a new one...

The opportunity of a lifetime? To hold in one's own hand, the Olympic Flame as it travels across Great Britain to reach its destination, the Olympic Stadium and the start of the 2012 Olympic Games. To be considered inspirational and worthy of participating in the Olympic Torch Relay is a dream of the highest magnitude...

When I first heard the news that I had been selected to take part in the relay, I was overcome with emotion. The breath was squeezed from my lungs and my heart pounded out of control, as the fire in my belly threatened to extinguish the butterflies as they tried to escape....

I was nominated to participate in the Olympic Torch relay for two reasons: my success in the ultra running world (after being told that I would never run again); and for the little dog's life that I saved and taught how to love and trust again (after being severely abused and neglected by humans).

Kobi and I had been selected to carry the Olympic Torch. We were going to be part of the Olympic Games!! My very own little doggy equivalent of Usain Bolt and I were going to participate in the most amazing event!

The excitement of the news made me glow for many months. I felt like I was the little person from the Ready Brek advert of years ago, “Ready Eddy” with his permanent glow!  Our allocated relay leg, the village of Burton Bradstock would be next on the Huskies Running tour of beautiful places in Britain.  All five dogs, each wearing a collar the colour of an Olympic ring.

And then the unthinkable happened..... Kobi left us and now runs free forever over the Rainbow Bridge and our beautiful little boy Kade will soon also live in a world where pain and suffering does not exist. 

I no longer feel the fire in my belly or the buzz in my mind. Every time I think of the Olympic Torch I feel immense sadness and gut wrenching loss. I no longer want to be a part of something so very special. I failed in my duty to protect forever my little Kobi and our little family. I feel that I am not worthy of the title of “Olympic Torch Bearer”.

I feel what I do, yet I know that I need to overcome this feeling. I need to find a way to carry the torch in Kobi's memory. He was a very special little character. I miss him so much, but I owe him this opportunity to be remembered in a very special way.

I have two months and one week to overcome my feelings, two months to come up with a plan and a new dream. Perhaps another dog that goes by the name of Wildenfree Phoenix Tail can help. More commonly known by his pet name, Kez.... rising from the ashes, the Phoenix will fly.....