I can no longer smell or touch them, but I can see and hear them.They are my pack. A long time ago I led the way for them, through the good and through the bad. Now they have no leader and they stumble on. She takes good care of them and tries to fill the void I left behind, but she is not of their kind and there is only so much she can do. She fails to accept this and as I watch I am powerless to help or comfort her in the way I once did.
The pack has grown since I moved on, there is a young one that I know to be of my blood and there is a stranger that struggles to fit in with a life he was not born into.
There is also another two legged addition to the pack. He walks and talks with her and takes care of her in ways I could not. They speak more than we did, and he offers what I could not. They have a connection that bonds them together and I know she is safe with him.
I know she still misses me so. I see her look at my reflection upon the wall, a longing comes over her face. I can read her mind, know her thoughts. When I had to leave she was lost, and sadness almost overcame her. She did not want me to leave and struggled to cope, but she found a way. She still dreams of me, I can see her dreams, I cannot touch her but I am still here.
She wishes for that which cannot be. One day it will come true, but that day is a lifetime away.
I see my son, the black one as he has grown. He struggles now, his mind and body declining in strength. He still does fight the onslaught of age, weakening of a body once so strong. He is most definitely his father's son. OCD has become his daily life, it brings tears and yet smiles to her face, I see it all from up above.
My grandson, the grey one is also struggling. He always had his special little ways of looking at life. I taught her how to help him when he couldn't cope with some stresses in life. Her way made him worse, my way reassured him, gave him respite and built his confidence from a mind that over worked. She watched me do it, followed my example. Against all the advice of behavioural “experts” her instinct told me that I was the one that knew best.
My great, great grandson, the brown one I remember as a boy. When he first arrived in the pack, he was fearful and scared of even his shadow. As a pack we helped him grow, I took extra care to teach him the ways of a leader, hopeful that when I had to leave their world he would lead my pack. I ran out of time and he ran out of strength, it was not meant to be. He can do some of what leaders must do, but then he wobbles, confused and unsure. I watch him try to protect the harmony in the pack, yet sometimes he is the one that creates the disharmony. He tries to help her and mostly he does, but sometimes he cannot quite do the rest.
That fateful day as I watched from above, his confusion proved too much.
There is one within the pack, that I do not fully understand. A pale brown one, white face so full of expression. He arrived after I left, but was already of near adult size. He was very weak and timid when he first joined the pack. Hunger and neglect ravaged his small form. He had simple behaviour that threatened no one. The others accepted him as one of their own. The pale brown one shadowed the least confident member of the pack, the brown one, the one most bonded to her. I watched the pale brown one's confidence grow as guided by the brown one he fed off her confidence. When he was scared he looked to her and looked to the brown one for help. Together they helped him grow and thrive. A dog that had never before known love or trust, he learned both. His past life was bad, full of evilness directed by others to this little being. That badness contributed to that fateful day.
The dark grey one I know to be of my blood. He is young and full of life. He knows not yet how to respect others, believes in himself beyond what he should.... The others protect him, especially the brown one, yet at the same time the brown one is also the one who reprimands him most. He follows her lead and when she scolds the dark grey one, he scolds him too.
There is something very special about the dark grey one, he has an aura that the others do not have. He stands firm and tall and doesn't give up in what he believes in. He is smart and uses her to get his way, I think she knows what he is doing, I see her smile when he is not looking.
I saw them dancing the other day. The dark grey one is the only one that dances with her now. I used to dance with her before pain took over my weakening form. There is a song I remember well, that causes her eyes to water so and grief overcome her body. It was the last song we ever danced to. The words “wave goodbye, wish me well, you gotta let me go....” etched forever in both our minds.
I am proud of what she has achieved since I have gone. She struggles to accept herself, forever chasing something she will never ever find. It makes her who she is, but sometimes she doesn't remember enough.
The brown one is the one that knows I watch from above. I see him standing and staring, sitting and staring, following my moves. I know not if he sees me or just feels my presence. She watches him closely, refusing to believe, yet wanting to believe. She cannot explain it, but she knows him well. The bond they have is very strong. I watch them run for miles and miles. They do not need to speak, there is a connection that travels between them. Neither confident on their own, together they are a team that works like very few.
I wish I could tell them it will all be OK. I have the power to see where the pack's path does go. During her dreams I try to share, I cannot describe the journey to the destination, they must find that themselves. She sees these dreams and does believe.
When I first left my pack I travelled far, to find an old friend that I now share my new world with. Together we returned to watch the pack from up above. His true family once was a herd, but he preferred the pack and chose to stay with me as we lived in life.
My son will soon rise to join me once again, and together all three of us will watch over the pack.
Forever and ever, we will watch from above....
